>>People

Good grass and bright bulbs

>> Gardener to the wealthy knows what they want, even when they don’t

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Varick Drvar
Age: 28
Occupation: Gardener
Salary: Approximately $12 an hour.

Bio: This swaggering heartthrob of a Plateau resident and drummer of local punk band Ass Out has been a staple on the Nuns’ Island gardening scene for the past six years. Having put himself through university on his gardening income, he is currently in the process of starting up his own company, Modumatic, “a multimedia furniture kind of business” which will feature his unique designs and is destined “to put IKEA out of business.”

Is there much room for creativity as a gardener? Definitely. “I was a fine arts student and fine arts students end up making amazing gardeners.”

Is that because they can’t find work anywhere else? “Exactly.”

Did he grow pot as a kid? “Yes, a little.”

Does he feel he could charge more money if his name were Giuseppe? “No. The Italians are really more into landscaping. I’m a gardener.”

If his name were Hirohito? Probably.

Do sultry housewives regularly decide to torment him by choosing to sunbathe in their gardens while he is busy pulling their weeds? “Absolutely, all the time. You know the story, rich housewives, bored to death, a lot of them like to flirt with you.”

One thing professional gardening has taught him: That generally, the richer people are, the less they know about what they want as far as their gardens are concerned.

One environmentally friendly way to annihilate vermin from your garden: By spraying it with dishwashing liquid. “You have to apply it more often than the chemical products but at least you won’t have to worry about your kids getting cancer of the knee and stuff like that.”

One of his former clients: Saku Koivu. “But he moved on to somebody else. His garden looks like shit these days.”

Has he ever nearly lost his thumb in a bizarre gardening accident? No, not while gardening but he did once slice off a good portion of it while working on a design art project.

How he reattached his chunk of missing thumb: With duct tape. “My friend found it on the floor so we just glued it back on and amazingly it worked. I mean, it was a pretty clean slice from an exacto knife.”
Was he screaming? No.
Crying? No.
Stoned? Yes.

Something else he’s pretty good at: Boarding, both skate and snow. He’s been snowboarding since the mid-’80s.

How many times he’s broken his leg: Twice skateboarding and once falling out of a tree while hiding from the police for skateboarding in an abandoned swimming pool. He still managed to avoid detection, however.

One place you might find him boozin’: At Barfly on bluegrass night.

Last book read: Le Corbusier: Architecture and Form, by Peter Blake.

Musical preferences: Lee Scratch Perry, Black Sabbath, Bad Brains.

Childhood ambition: To become a spaceman.

Current ambition: To design and build his own house. He also works part-time as an architectural draftsman.

Words of wisdom: “If you really love something or someone, treat it better than it deserves to be treated.” :