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This
week: Battlebots,
Mickey Mutts, Gordon Lightfoot!
M I’m 50. I was 20 once but now I’m 50-from the generation who never grew up. Something like the DJs who work at CHOM. Thank you. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, how old is the listening audience of CHOM? I thought it was old but I found out today that it’s Geritol central. I put on the radio, the spirit of Montreal, and lo and behold it’s the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Gordon Lightfoot? Gordon fuckin’ Lightfoot?! Can you believe it? Actually, nothing surprises me on that station. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, I went to a show at the Fringe last night and the audience drove me crazy. You’d think that aspiring actors and directors would have respect for their craft but NO. As it turns out, theatre people are the worst theatregoers. They’re such stars, they don’t know how to be audience members. I’m no actor myself but here’s a word of advice for all you IMPATIENT SYCOPHANTS and first-born attention junkies who ruin the Fringe Festival for me. For your next movement exercise, why don’t you try sitting still and keeping your mouth shut until the curtain? If you get that down pat, then the theatre world just might have a place for you. [BLEEP!] M Hey, it’s nine o’clock and do you know who’s not playing on the Fringe stage tonight? The Mickey Mutts because we were cut out. We played Wednesday afternoon but then we get a phone call saying they had noise complaints so we couldn’t play there again. But then they go up on stage and say that we were sick and couldn’t make it? Fringe Festival, you’re a bunch of punks. It’s cool you guys do cool stuff for free but cutting out bands when they’re already playing for free and are just up there having a good time is messed up. [BLEEP!] M This is Nick from the Vidéotron on 305 Sherbrooke West. I’m just calling in regard to the continuing search for gay skater porn. I’m letting you girls know there’s Sliders 1 and Sliders 2 here, for more horny skateboard buddies and non-stop sex California style. Yeah, we’ve got them both so you can come for the two-for-one after midnight special. Enjoy. [BLEEP!] M Yes, you know there’s something seriously wrong in this world-one of the signs of the end of the world-when women are strapping on DILDOS so they can stick it up their guy’s ass and pretend that they’re homos. They pretend they’re guys sticking a dick up a guy’s ass! Women wanna do that now!! Women don’t like to get it stuck in to them anymore, they want to stick it in to somebody. Usually, guys like to stick it in to somebody and women like having it stuck in them, right? So what’s with this world here? Women wanna do the sticking, women wanna be men and men wanna be women? Men wanna get it up the ass? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there’s seriously something wrong with a lot of people out there. [BLEEP!] F Hey there Rant Line™. I would just like to say that if I left it up to any of the Montreal boys, my God I would never get off. So three cheers to masturbation. [catlike] Yeow! [BLEEP!] M Hello, Montreal. Cigarette prices are a bitch. When are you NATIVES gonna do something about it? [BLEEP!] M Okay, man, let me tell you something about Americans. They’re warmongers. George Bush is the leader of the number one terrorist organization on this planet and he thinks he can go to Kananaskis and talk about how the other nations should support him on his War on Terror. What a dick. Americans are freakin’ warmongers. Just look at this BATTLEBOTS show as an example, man. They build these robots, put in thousands of hours, just so they can go out and kill other robots. Fuck you, America. [BLEEP!] M To the authors of the pink and yellow lines in Mile-End and beyond, we salute and support you. Finding your drawing was a small reward in the midst of advertisements and billboards and parking signs. We have made a blue line in solidarity. Leave us a sign. [BLEEP!] F My rant is about the fucking lack of originality urban ugly Behaviour and Le Crapeau buying blow monkey bitches who spend $200 on ugly jeans with white FADES on their legs and asses. This fade travesty has also caught on with supercilious Ginas who have plastic tits, gay beads and a cheap tan. Fuck off. [BLEEP!]
M Yeah, listen, I want to meet a really cute, very
curious female photographer for a very-maybe long term-very
odd EXPERIMENT. So, okay, if you’re out there please leave a rant.
[BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum
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