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This week: Mastodon, Rude Beat,Tour de l’île, SUVs! Plus:
Aging metal fans diagnosed as
M Hey man, this is for that guy who wanted to know about stoner rock. Dude, the stoner rock scene, internationally, is rising. You’ve got bands like WarHorse, Sunn, and Khanate on Southern Lord records doing the sickest stuff ever. It’s fantastic. Also, locally, in Montreal, we’re getting some cool stoner rock shows. A band called Mastodon is playing with High on Fire sometime in June, I think, at Café Chaos. So, yeah, stoner rock is all over the world and in Montreal it’s thriving. [BLEEP!] M For the lady who wants to know about the local stoner rock scene. You should go to Clyde’s on June 8 to see Rude Beat. They’ll also be playing June 16 at Zone and they’re gonna be with Acid PhLevel. That is stoner rock! Le meilleur stoner rock à Montreal! Go there, trust me. [BLEEP!] M Hello, Rant Line™. I’ve just heard that the celebrations of Weekend Extreme were a success and, wow, a celebration of 20 years of metal in Montreal. I totally think that there is NOTHING to celebrate and I’m very proud to point out that the very same bands—Oblivion, Quo Vadis, Ghoulunatics, Cryptopsy, Martyr, Neuraxis and so on—playing in Toronto would draw at most 100–200 people. I’ll get to the point. I’ve got a background in psychology and I know for sure that any interest in this form of music beyond puberty is a sign of MENTAL DISORDER. I’ve been to one of these metal shows because a friend dragged me there and many people were well past 25 years old. The band members themselves were in their 30s. And worse, I heard that one of the members in one of the bands is a teacher in an elementary school. So, with that metal background in mind, there is no doubt why Quebec society is so fucked up. Thank you. [BLEEP!] F Yeah, this rant goes out to Seb from Rhythm Mercenaries. I was at the Breakdown show at Cabaret and he got on stage to introduce the Butta Babies, who rocked the house by the way. But all he could say was that he was at Café Campus with a bunch of girls checking him out because he’s in Rhythm Mercenaries. And that we should all make some noise because he left there to be with us at the Breakdown show. Maybe if the fans loved the group as much as he loves himself, they’d get somewhere. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is a newsflash to Super Dave Lame-O from CHOM. Buddy, two things. Number one, we’re tired of being force fed your beloved Max Webster-Kim Mitchell shit constantly. Number two, yes, we people in this city watch Conan O’Brien too and that’s the fifth time you fucking ripped off a joke word for word from the Conan O’Brien show. This city has got to find some original DJs. [BLEEP!] M I just wanted say that I moved here from Ottawa six months ago and that this city is excellent! I got harassed by cops the other night on Ste-Catherine and they found WEED in my pocket and they gave it right back to me. How chill is that? And what else? There are beautiful women everywhere and my job is just super-chill and I tried to get WELFARE in Ottawa and they shut me down. But I came to Montreal and got welfare so now I’m LIVING WELL and looking at beautiful girls and thanking the cops for not stealing my weed. So, yeah, party on, MTL! I love it here and I’m never leaving. [BLEEP!] M [shouting]I’m calling to complain about the Tour de l’île blocking every goddamned street in this goddamned motherfucking asshole city! Why do they have to block off the street and inconvenience motorists? I think that every competitor in the Tour de l’île should be MOWED DOWN BY AN SUV and that’s all! [BLEEP!] F Oh god! Summer’s starting again and that means we’ll be forced to look at stupid 12 year olds wearing nothing but skanky shorts and a top that looks like a BRA. Am I the only one that is sickened by this? No, seriously, if I want to see flat pre-pubescent girls, I’ll watch the Maury show. So, to all you slutty 12-year-old girls, leave me the hell alone. [BLEEP!] M I just want to say that I sucked my girl’s FEET and it was amazing! Her toes were all nice and manicured and pedicured, it was just beautiful. I came all over her tits. [BLEEP!] M
Hi. This is Jeff from Montreal and I’m just ranting about the fact
that I’ve got this fantasy about having sex with a PREGNANT WOMAN
but all the pregnant women either don’t go out to the clubs or
are taken. So it’s just really hard to find a pregnant woman to
fuck. So if you’re pregnant, horny and you wanna have a guy who
will F Is it just me or are there any other young women out there who love GAY PORN? [BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum
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