Serial killer 101

>> Canadian model Tara Moss’s debut thriller
Fetish falls short of believable



by JULIET WATERS

We know that supermodels can kick ass. What with Buffy, Alias, Nikita, Dark Angel, it’s no surprise anymore to find high-paid babes doing a fabulous job of killing demons, spies, terrorists and serial killers. But there’s still one challenge left: can a supermodel really write a decent thriller?

Australian reviews of Fetish by Tara Moss say yes. Moss, an international model born in Victoria B.C., moved to Australia several years ago, where’s she’s become a celebrity. After getting a journalism degree and penning a popular true crime column, Moss wrote Fetish. An immediate Australian bestseller, it’s recently been published in Canada.
Still, I confess to feeling skeptical before I even opened this book. I must be too much like the many characters in Fetish who immediately underestimate the intellect of beautiful, blonde, six-foot-tall women. But, as I read how the “sleepy streets glistened with moisture as the van passed quietly over them,” my skepticism turned to cynicism. Is this a crime scene or a L’Oréal ad? Are the streets wearing night cream? Are they worth it?
A model is brutally murdered and our serial killer, whose creepy, mundane, serial killer thoughts we will be reading throughout, discovers a letter addressed to his victim. It’s from her Canadian friend Makedde Vanderwall. It opens with a few lines about her mother’s funeral, but Mak quickly changes the topic (“Enough Depressing Stuff!”) to her upcoming visit to Sydney.

Mak is an international model smart enough to know that one day, in her late 20s, she’ll probably need a career with more staying power. She’s using her model earnings to finance a degree in forensic psychology (where hopefully she isn’t peppering her essays with affirmations and exclamation marks). She’s come to Australia on assignment and to visit her best friend Catherine. But Cat has, sadly, been murdered by the Stiletto Killer, whose signature is a badly mutilated corpse wearing one stiletto shoe. After reading Mak’s letter, he’s decided to make her his next victim. (Depressing!)

He makes sure Mak discovers Cat’s body during a photo shoot. He starts to terrorize her with phone calls, pictures and notes that suggest she’s in trouble, like: “You’re Next!” Moves that seem a little stupid for a serial killer. Fortunately, for him, Mak doesn’t see this as a reason to get the hell back on a plane to Canada. She’s vowed to avenge her friend’s death. Also, she’s started sleeping with the detective on the case, who’s not only cute, but lets her handcuff him. Enough spicy stuff! If I were being stalked by a serial killer, I’d want a boyfriend who was the handcuffer, not handcuffee type, not that I can imagine being in the mood for bondage.

We’re told how wrong it is for us to underestimate Mak. It’s not fair. She’s smart. She uses the right word for fingerprinting dust (lanconide). She knows the fundamentals of profiling. But there’s something dense about her. She’s setting herself up as a victim. She lacks the basic instincts for self-protection, so it’s hard to maintain respect for her no matter how well she’s doing in her Self-Defence, or Serial Killer 101 courses. There are protective measures that a person with common sense would take, or the police would suggest. Like, if you’re a model and a model-killing psycho murdered your best friend who was a model, don’t live in her apartment. You can fill a book with meticulously researched detail. It all fades away like lanconide if we’re expected to accept that a potential victim and the cop on the case would be eating Thai take-out and bonking on the last victim’s couch.

It’s disappointing, because if you’re willing to overlook these things, Moss actually is a competent writer. But, her plot, her characters, her dialogue just lack a certain campiness and originality that might make this book interesting, as opposed to something that makes it not bad… for a model. :

Fetish by Tara Moss, HarperCollins, hc, 310pp, $29.95