City
Life
Best place to spot a celebrity
1. On St-Laurent
2. Globe
3. Buona Notte
4. Createc+
5. On Crescent
6. Newtown
7. On Ste-Catherine
8. Old Port
9. Gogo Lounge
10. Plateau
Best place
to spot a babe
1. On St-Laurent
2. Anywhere in Montreal
3. On Crescent
4. On Ste-Catherine
5. My bedroom
6. Downtown
7. Mount Royal
8. Old Port
9. Buona Notte
10. Chez Parée
Best neighbourhood
1. Plateau
2. NDG
3. Mile-End
4. Westmount
5. McGill Ghetto
6. Downtown
7. St-Henri
8. Concordia ghetto
9. Rosemont
10. Verdun
Honourable mentions: Centre-Sud • Cote-des-Neiges • Golden
Square Mile • Lasalle • Little Italy • Old Montreal
Best minority
1. Anglos
2. Jews
3. Gays
4. Chinese
5. Blacks
6. Italians
7. Greeks
8. Asians
9. Portuguese
10. Irish
Honourable mentions: Filipinos • Lebanese • Palestinians
• What a horrible question etc.
Best park
1. Mount Royal
2. Lafontaine Park
3. Westmount Park
4. NDG Park
5. Carré St-Louis
6. Jeanne-Mance Park
7. Jarry Park
8. Jean-Drapeau Park
10. Angrignon Park
Honourable mentions: Centennial • Outremont • Girouard •
Beaver Lake
Best architecture
1. Anywhere
in Old Montreal
2. Big O
3. Oratoire St-Joseph
4. Ex-Centris
5. Notre Dame Cathedral
6. Habitat 67
7. IBM building
8. McGill campus
9. Westmount mansions
10. CCA
Worst eyesore
1. Big O
2. New Palais des Congrès
3. Paramount Cinema
4. Concordia downtown campus
5. AMC Pepsi Forum
6. Cross on Mount Royal
7. Gas station Parc and Mont-Royal
8. HEC
9. Le Colisée apartment building on
Sherbrooke near Parc
10. Orange Julep
The Olympic Stadium, we agree, should be demolished, and we too preferred
the old neighbourhood where the new Palais des Congrès now
stands. But voting for the historic and beloved Orange Julep as an
eyesore? We’re aghast.
Best graffiti
1. Omen
2. KOPS crew
3. Parc/Pins interchange
4. Zïlon
5. Under Pressure
Yes, Omen, this
year you will get your BOM plaque.
Best way to
learn French
1. French
girlfriend/boyfriend
2. French kiss
3. Speak it
4. Have French friends
5. School
Honurable mentions: Watch Bleu Nuit on TQS • Argue with a bus
driver or metro guy • Be adopted into a pure francophone family
and get it on with your sister • Be born French! • Be committed
to the Pinel Institute
Best kept Montreal secret
Montreal is gayer than San Francisco • Being able to walk alone
almost anywhere, anytime, without fearing an aggravated assault •
CJLO radio • Hookers 2 for 1 Tuesday Night • Free hotel
pools • It’s a sure bet to get laid if you go to Thursday’s
• Rollerblading on Gilles Villeneuve track • Salvia •
Dollar draft in St-Henri • The escorts in the back of the Mirror
are just expensive prostitutes (okay, maybe it’s not a secret)
• The Green Spot • The Law Library • The West Island
• Vaginal Croutons don’t suck • Weed delivery service
• Can’t keep a secret in this small city
Best festival
1. Jazz
2. Just for Laughs
3. Fringe
4. Fantasia
5. World Film Fest
6. Divers/cité
7. Beer festival
8. Fireworks
9. Francofolies
10. Vans Warped tour
Honourable mentions: Casa del Popolo Jazz Festival • Image et
Nation • Nuits d’afrique • Victoriaville
Best place
to impress out-of-towners
1. Old
Montreal
2. Mount Royal
3. Old Port
4. On St-Laurent
5. On Crescent
6. Any strip club
7. Club 737
8. Downtown
9. Tam-tams
10. Biodôme
Best place
to get mugged
1. NDG
2. In the metro, generally
3. St-Henri
4. Villa Maria metro, specifically
5. Vendôme metro, specifically
6. Little Burgundy
7. East end
8. Verdun
9. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve
10. Lasalle
Best way to
find a job
1. Know someone
2. Internet
3. Apply
4. Beg
5. Blow job
6. Mirror Classifieds
7. Get off your ass
8. Job boom
9. Sleep around
10. Word of mouth
Honourable mentions: Start your own company • You tell me
Best new trends
Ass-to-mouth
porn • Big belts • Meat hats • ’80s electro •
Aria • Arm bands • Bed-head hair • Big sunglasses •
Blond on black chicks • The Canadiens doing well • Chiropractors
• Colour and excess • Corduroys • Corsets • Curly
hair • Eliminating name brands on everything • Energy drinks
with vodka • Environmentalism • Ethics • Those new
tops with a bra in them • Fringe on everything • Going to
see the Expos • Hemp clothes that look like real clothes •
Hip huggers (low-rise pants) • People seem less ironic this year
• Low-cut jeans with a visible G-string • Men in Speedos
• Monogamous gay men • Neon hair • Non-anorexic models
• Pink • Pre-washed jeans • The return of funk •
Scooters • Sneaker dress shoes • Stilettos • Swapping
apartments • Three-wheeled baby strollers • Topless and
bottomless restaurants • Totally unpredictable weather •
Ultra-mini skirts • Vanilla Coke • Veganism • Volunteering
• Women having sex with me
Worst new
trends
The return
of acid wash • Big hair • Fringe • Glam • Low-low
hip pants • One-sleeve shirts • ’80s revival/crap/fashion/hair/club
nights • Pretending to be gay • Rent hikes • Big belts
• Buttcrack jeans • Demonstrators who break stuff •
Dirty looking jeans • ’80sElectro • Fake dreads •
Fat girls with hardly any clothes on • Feng Shui • Frills
at the shoulders • Funding cutbacks to the arts • Guys in
bandanas • Ironic Mötley Crüe T-shirts—so two
years ago • Low riding pants on guys • Megaplex movie theatres
• Municipal mergers • No vacancy anywhere worth living •
Peasant style • Power Yoga • PT cruisers • Puffy sleeves
and ruffles • Wearing sunglasses in a club • Those huge
tacky belts • Too many girls with fake mohawks • Unkempt
hair • Urban hippies (not new, but terrible) • Vegans •
West Island gangsta wannabes
