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Plus:
Intersecting parallel line debate ignores
“edited”
by AL SOUTH
M To the person looking for barbershop quartets. There is barbershop in Montreal! I sing in the Montreal Island City Chorus and we’re having our annual show Saturday, May 25 at 8 p.m. at the Salle Claude Champagne at the University of Montreal. Featured will be Metropolis, international quartet finalists in the Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Singing in America. See you there. [BLEEP!] M I know we have these stupid bikers killing innocent people in their war, I know we have ignorant skinheads and worthless Nazi punks, I know we have serial killers and fucked-up murderers. But we do not consider them to be HEROES. They are scum to be flushed! This is a question to the hip hop culture: why do you have to promote GANGBANGERS? Why do we see crime as a cool thing in rap music? Fuck gangsta rap! Last Sunday in Metro Plamondon, a 12-year-old girl and her Mom got mugged and beat up by six gangbangers. Fuck them! [BLEEP!] M Hey, I was just walking down the street today and I looked at the grass, saw it was green, I looked at the sky and I saw it was blue, and I realized that I was really happy. And I just want to wish everybody a really NICE LIFE. And that’s all. [BLEEP!] M I hate war, religion, McDonalds, Wal-Mart, BLTs, Celine Dion, censorship, alcohol, crowds, shopping, the WWF, moronic FM DJs, West Island rednecks, television, cars, cold weather, big profit-making companies, commercials and WINNIPEG. Thank you. [BLEEP!] F Hi, this is for the guy who wants a nude maid. I love being NAKED. And if I can get paid for it without having to dance for a bunch of slobbering drunk disgusting assholes then sign me up! I’m your woman! Plus, I’m a starving jazz musician and I need the money. So e-mail me at nudemaid@hotmail.com. Peace. [BLEEP!] F To the genius who thinks parallel lines intersect at infinity, I think it’s time you take a math class. [BLEEP!] M Parallel lines DO NOT actually intersect at infinity. It may look like it visually, but it’s an illusion. They just keep going parallel. Later. [BLEEP!] M For that guy with the parallel lines. He’s right, they do connect at inifinity. I know because I was there once. It’s a crazy place. [BLEEP!] M Yo, moron, of course parallel lines intersect! At Berri-UQÀM and Lionel-Groulx. Fuck, get with the program. [BLEEP!] F For all you chicks complaining about me selling my panties, listen, people pay to see other people naked, and we all have nude bodies, just like we all SECRETE. I’m getting a lot of interested customers and I’m sure they’re all going to be very satisfied. So maybe you should all get a clue and sell your panties like me. You’ll make lots of money and there’s nothing disgusting about it. People want them. [BLEEP!] F I’ve been a DOMINATRIX for two years and I want to say that there are a lot of things sicker than dirty panties. It’s pleasurable to smell panties but many girls don’t understand that. I’m a woman and I don’t smell panties very much but at least I understand it. But what I don’t get is people asking for very dirty socks or asking you to SHIT IN A BAG. Some people really get off on that. There are a lot of things that we don’t understand, girls, but guys are really raunchy. Thank you. [BLEEP!] F Hi. Just a quick one. Actually, who’s the weirdest: the girl who makes money out of selling her dirty panties or that guy Rob who reads the Rant Line™ and has sex afterwards? Big questions. Ciao. [BLEEP!] F I’m just calling because I’m really pissed off and frustrated because my boyfriend can never find a fucking girl to fool around with and I know there are all these little prisses out there saying that they’re bisexual and shit but none of them are willing to experiment unless you’re talking about those little fucking hos who hang out at shitty bars. And that’s not who I’m fucking talking about! I just wanna watch my boyfriend fuck someone and enjoy it and maybe fuck around, too. [BLEEP!] F Hello, I have a job selling MUFFINS and I’m sick of muffin buyers coming and asking, “Are these muffins fresh? Can we have the ones in the back? Oh, did you wash your hands before handling them?” That is such a snobby attitude. Do you think we’d sell them if they weren’t fresh? Do you think I’d go poop with a muffin in my hand? Make your own muffins if you’re not goddamn happy. [BLEEP!]
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