Everyone drunker than everyone else

>> Motörhead’s mighty Lemmy advises on nightlife etiquette

by JOHNSON CUMMINS

We here at the Mirror were just tickled pink when everybody’s favourite alcoholic decided to lend us a hand with our annual Clubland issue. Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead, celebrating a quarter-century of balls-out, no-bullshit hard rock, managed to wake up from his beauty sleep (around 5 p.m.) to give us some tips on how to properly get your “load on.” Here they are:

Favourite pick-me-up before a night out on the town, and “social enhancement” at the club:
For me I guess it would be booze, really, bourbon and coke. I will drink vodka if there is no whiskey but there is usually whiskey. My favourite bourbon is Makers Mark, but if they don’t have that I will settle for Jack Daniels or Wild Turkey. My days of speed are more or less over, y’know—more or less.

Proper attire for night out:
It depends where you’re going, ’cuz some places want you to have a suit jacket because it’s a bit uptight. If they aren’t uptight I’ll just wear whatever I’m wearing that day.

Favourite bar:
I go to the Rainbow in L.A. because I’ve been going there since 1973. It’s also right down the street from where I live. All the bartenders and owners are friends of mine. If you want to find me when I’m not on the road, that’s where I’ll be.

Favourite kind of bar while on the road:
It all depends on the night. Sometimes you will go to the rock club in town and other times you will just go to the nearest striptease joint.

How to spot a good bartender:
I guess it’s a good sign if there isn’t a piece of string hanging out of your bloody Mary, ha ha ha ha. Stay away from bartenders that don’t give a shit about the customer, like bartenders who can’t remember what you are drinking.

Surefire line to “pull a bird” at the pub:
There isn’t one. You just got to try and get laid or get fucked off.

Favourite drinking partner:
I guess James Hetfield from Metallica was a lot of fun to drink with, but now he’s in rehab. I’m not really elitist—a good sign of a drinking partner is just someone who is around.

Proper thing to do if your friend passes out on you:
It depends on how well you know them, but you should put them in a cab. Some people you just have to leave at the table.

A tell-tale sign that you had a good night out:
If you go to a strip club and end up going home with one of the strippers. That’s what happened to me last night.

Best strip club:
My favourite place would be the Stringfellows in London, it’s really good. I was in a good one last night, in Providence, R.I., called Satin Dolls—that was really good. There are a few good ones around.

Best hangover cure:
The best cure for a hangover is hair of the dog. A lot of people say a bunch of shit about nutmeg and other stuff but I find none of it works. I don’t get hangovers because you have to stop drinking to get a hangover.

Best dance club:
I don’t really go to them because I can’t dance worth a shit. I like rock ’n’ roll and I don’t really hear it that much, especially in L.A., but there is a place in Texas called the Pantera which is a pretty good rock club.

Best rave:
Never been to one.

Time Lemmy allotts to “put a face on” before going out:
I just put the coat on and fuck off out the door, basically.

Feelings on non-smoking clubs:
Yeah, that’s bullshit. In L.A. you can’t smoke anywhere, so you have to smoke outside and then go back inside to your drink. They’ll have a smoke machine on the stage but no smoking allowed—doesn’t make any sense.

Tips for people who think they can drink Lemmy under the table:
The first thing they should do is pray. I don’t even know anybody who can outdrink me. 7

With Morbid Angel and Voivod at Medley on Sunday, April 28, 8pm, $32.50