Colour blind

>> Red Green’s Duct Tape Forever is stupid and pointless

by MATTHEW HAYS

So the setup goes something like this: Canadian TV show does extremely well. So well, in fact, that it’s spawned a feature length movie. Much like the Lorne Michaels’ Saturday Night Live film factory, which has unleashed TV-sketch-to-big-screen vehicles like Wayne’s World and It’s Pat, the idea might seem a good one.
But the problem with Red Green is, I’m one of those odd, mentally-challenged people who’s never understood his appeal. Nor did I ever understand his creator’s appeal, Steve Smith. He used to cowrite and costar in a Canadian variety series with his wife years ago, called Smith & Smith. That was, without a doubt, one of the very worst shows I’ve ever seen, anywhere. I used to watch it with dumbfounded fascination: how could something this bad make it onto the air, even in the bizarre neverneverland that is Canadian TV? Who are these people?

Red Green’s Duct Tape Forever leaves me with the same sense of numbing mystery. The plot, as it stands, involves inept handyman Green entering a duct tape sculpture competition (his entry is a giant goose) in order to save his lodge from unscrupulous, evil businessmen.
I don’t think it’s strictly snobbery—I am, after all, a critic who’s championed both Chucky and Brady Bunch movies—but I really can’t see any worth, value or laughs in this film at all. There are obvious sight gags, dreary one liners, and plenty of variations on Green’s essential, running gags: that he and his buddies use a lot of duct tape.

The film does intrigue me strictly along Cancon lines, however; along with Men With Brooms, RGDTF represents what could be termed the New Canadian Cinema. Sure, it’s lousy, generic and about as nutritional as the box Kraft Dinner comes in, but it’s what Canadians have been wanting all along: a commercially viable film industry. With the ratings numbers the Green TV show scores, this feature might just follow in Brooms’ fate. (That film is breaking box-office records, already raking in over $3.5-million in just a few weeks.) Think about it: after all these years, Canadian feature films that Canadians actually go and see at the cinemas!

Which raises that old saw about being careful what you wished for. :

Red Green’s Duct Tape Forever opens Friday, April 12