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This
week: Salvia divinorum, Plus: Hog heaven located in Laval!!
“edited”
by AL SOUTH
M Yeah, this is the Obsessive Compulsive Fag. I noticed the rant from that guy claiming to have grown up in Cape Breton and to have gone to school with Sarah McLachlan for 15 years. Impossible. Sarah McLachlan is from Halifax. I went to school with her—Queen Elizabeth High School, Halifax, Nova Scotia. She was two years ahead of me and that’s where it was. And one of her parents was a professor at Dalhousie so I doubt she ever lived in Cape Breton. That person is a liar! Ciao. [BLEEP!] M I’m pissed off with the way the Montreal music scene is being overrun by these jackasses smoking their SALVIA DIVINORUM in the middle of concert halls. I mean, goddamnit, just because this drug is legal doesn’t mean it should be dragged out of the corners and alleys where it belongs. Losers, get a fucking life. [BLEEP!] M Now I am sick of all you sorry-assed hip hop ho-snatching, your pants are fallin off of your ass, gangsta wannabe, walking your joint-smokin’ face to the liquor store, stealin’, coppin’, abusin’, disgracin’, ridiculin’, bringin’ damn shame to my culture and to my brotherhood. I’m talking about KUFIS—that’s what a Muslim man wears on his head to symbolize dedication, reverence, humble servitude to God. Now we got enough problems with the world givin’ us a bad look already, we don’t need you makin’ it worse. Now you see I can’t even walk into a pool hall without some ignorant bouncer asking me to take it off because he tells me it represents gangs and hoodlums. Hell, no, I won’t take it off, you understand me? Then I get some stupid-assed joker telling me I ain’t black so what’s up with the rapper hat? So then I gotta explain this until he’s so embarrassed, he’s apologizing every time I happen to uncaringly, accidentally gaze upon the ignoramus. Now please respect and please let this message be published. And God willing. [BLEEP!] F Hey, this is for the guy who was wondering where he can go to find LARGE WOMEN. I hate to break it to you, and it’s really unfortunate, but you may want to try singles bars. Because unlike you, most guys in Montreal are very trivial and they look for women who are extremely thin—if not anorexic. It’s a sad but true fact. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, how’s it going everyone? This goes out to that guy who likes women a little on the round side. My friend, I have the place for you. It’s called Ange Rouge—or something like that—it’s up on Curé Labelle in Laval. I stepped in there for the first time with a friend of mine a few weeks back. Buddy, it’s HOG HEAVEN. I don’t know why but all the porkers roll into that joint and they all gather in these little groups around the club. Check it out and have fun. [BLEEP!] M This is for the guy who’s into big girls and who’s looking for a place where he can find big beautiful women. Why don’t you check out an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet? Peace. [BLEEP!] M Hey, as far as I know my girlfriend and I are pretty much the hottest couple at McGill. And we came to McGill thinking we were going to meet all of these other adventurous students, but we can’t find anyone to have sex with. Not boys, not girls. What the hell is wrong with this university? If there is anybody having an adventurous sex life please call in because we need to know about it. [BLEEP!] F (singing) “Looking at my breasts so small and humble/please don’t confuse them with mountains.” Okay we’ve all heard the Shakira song. Does she even know what she’s saying? [BLEEP!] M Hi, I’m 23 years old and I’ve been having this fantasy, seriously now, for about two years, where this really gorgeous woman CUTS OFF MY BALLS. And I was honestly wondering if there are any women out there who might actually go for this sort of thing. If there are, I would dearly like to hear from you. All right? [BLEEP!] F I’d just like to say that men can get up to $50 at a sperm bank. Gee, I wish I could make 100 bucks a week for jerking off. [BLEEP!] M I’m tired of staying up until 3 a.m. watching commercials where they want you to send money to Third World countries where 21,000 children die every day. May I ask one question? If there are so many children out there starving, where is the sex coming from? If these people are starving, how are they fucking and having all of these kids? I don’t understand that. If you’re starving, you should not be horny. That’s it. Bye. [BLEEP!]
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