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The envelope, please… >>
Readers respond to our sixth annual Alternative Academy Awards race
Most overlooked performance
Gene Hackman, The
Royal Tenenbaums 30%
Movie most overlooked
by the Academy
The Royal Tenenbaums
32%
Best soundtrack Moulin Rouge 35%
Best male bod
Brad Pitt, Snatch
40%
Best female bod
Worst performance Green loses out
this year, what with his marriage to Drew Barrymore collapsing and his
film getting the big Gong even from diehard fans. Our prediction: French
critics writing in Cahiers du cinéma will champion Freddie Got
Fingered and declare it a work of fine art, underappreciated by the
slovenly masses. Tom Green, Freddie
Got Fingered 40%
Most overhyped/overrated
movie We couldn’t
agree more. This way, way overlong war epic bombed out in virtually
every way possible. With Affleck and Hartnett in the leads, sure, it
looked good… but surface ain’t everything. Pearl Harbor 41% The movie that
never should have happened Phew, Tom Green
is really getting a flogging from our readers. Surprisingly, Town and
Country is low on the list. No doubt, readers missed the film and thus
couldn’t experience the full extent of its badness. Freddie Got Fingered
43%
Most grating
children’s film
Cats & Dogs
29%
Most twisted
romance
Anthony Hopkins
& Julianne Moore, Hannibal 30%
And now for
the real Oscars…
Best actor Russell Crowe,
A Beautiful Mind 53%
Best actress
Best supporting
actor Ian McKellen, The
Lord of the Rings:The
Best supporting
actress Jennifer Connelly,
A Beautiful Mind 54%
Best director Ron Howard, A Beautiful
Mind 32%
Best picture A Beautiful Mind
40%
The Oscars air this Sunday, March 24 at 8pm on CFCF-12. The winners of the Alternative Academy Awards will be announced in next week’s Mirror. Results compiled by Matthew Woodley. Pithy commentary by Matthew Hays
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On
this point, we couldn’t agree more with our insightful readers.
After a couple of only-okay movies (including the locally-shot Heist),
Hackman rose to the occasion playing the slightly addled and highly
mischievous patriarch in The Royal Tenenbaums. Hackman clearly hadn’t
had so much fun making a movie in a long, long while.
Again,
that wildly dysfunctional bunch came up with strong numbers. It’s
much like Bob Hope said when Tootsie was up against Gandhi: Tootsie
would never win, he predicted, because the Academy just doesn’t
give comedy any respect. As for Hedwig, er… we’re not sure
the Academy is quite far enough advanced in their collective thinking
to honour musicals about botched sex changes. 
Smith
packed on the beef for Ali, but Pitt’s small frame still arrived
in good shape. Both, it should be noted, were playing fighters. Was
Pitt more attractive because, as the Irish boxer in Snatch, we couldn’t
understand a word he was saying?
Not
too shocking here, seeing as Berry peeled off virtually everything in
the John Travolta spy movie. Come to think of it, she also takes off
a great deal in Monster’s Ball. But as a Bond girl in the forthcoming
franchise entry, she’s promised to keep everything decidedly PG.
No
more talking animal movies!
Indeed,
the cannibal and the cop did have a twisted bond. Stay tuned for more;
despite the muted critical responses to Hannibal, the film did astonishing
box office and sequels are in the works.