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>>People Fe fi fo fum! >>
But not all giants crush bones to make bread, large gentleman attests
by CHRIS BARRY Photo by Jason Felker
Age: 40
Bio: This
jolliest of giants and Longueuil resident has been raking it in as Quebec’s
leading big fella on the film and television circuit for several years
now. Standing at 6’7” and weighing in at a modest 450 pounds,
Gustave, who used to work as a bouncer before taking the decision to
dive head first into show biz, is said to have the largest hands in
the world—a claim scheduled to be confirmed in the next edition
of the Guinness Book of World Records. He’s also been known to
chain himself to the occasional fleet of buses and pull them around
in the grand tradition of The Great Antonio.
How big his
hands are: Seven inches wide and 10 inches long.
His shoe size:
17.
How good the
chances are of taking a trip to Value Village and finding a nice pair
of size 17 Beatle boots: Not very good at all. “It costs up
to $600 to get a decent pair of shoes made for me. Shit, my shoes cost
more than my car.”
The car he is
currently driving: A Lincoln Towncar. “But I can fit into any
car as long as I have it modified.”
Big feet, big
hands: is it safe to assume he has a giant penis as well? “It
sure is.”
Are potential
sexual partners always inquiring about the size of his monster wang?
“Yes, people are always asking if everything I’ve got is as
big as the rest of me.”
Does he ever
get tired of people saying stuff like, “How’s the weather
up there, big guy?” and decide that it’s time for these insensitive
fools to be crushed? “Oh no, never. I love people too much.”
Something he
likes to do: Jump on his motorcycle, a Suzuki 1400, and take long
trips throughout Quebec and the United States.
Something that
helped him to develop his skills as a thespian: All the interviews
he gave back when he was working both the local and Japanese circuits
as a pro wrestler—an occupation he abandoned in 1990 after growing
tired of the non-stop travelling involved.
Childhood ambition:
To become a cop. “But it would have been impossible. I’m too
friendly to be a cop.”
Something he
used to do for fun as a teenager: Lift cars off the ground. “But
my mother told me to stop because she was afraid I was going to hurt
my back.”
Literary preferences:
Gustave really likes books on organized crime: “I was once
in a movie about Joe Bonanno, you know. I played a gangster—a killer
for hire. It was really good.”
Musical preferences:
1970s disco, Michael Jackson, Donna Summer, Elvis Presley.
Immediate ambition:
To get his weight down to a spry 400 pounds. “But it’s
hard for me because I have big bones.”
An address where he can be reached should you be in the market to hire a giant: ascp@hotmail.com.
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Name:
Gustave Ouimet