Cold turkey

>> Josh Hartnett looks good in the bad 40 Days and 40 Nights

by MATTHEW HAYS

When I think of Josh Hartnett, I think of two films. The Virgin Suicides, one of his first, a low-budget, brilliant independent film; and Pearl Harbor, the blockbuster that catapulted him to superstardom, cost tens of millions to make but really sucked.

Now Hartnett has combined elements from both of these films into his latest, 40 Days and 40 Nights. Sadly, it turns out this movie packs the wrong elements: the low budget of Suicides, the emptiness and stupidity of Harbor.

Hartnett plays a lad consumed with visions of his ex. She was everything to him, and now, his life of quickies and one-night stands with babes seems empty. Hartnett decides to go without for the title’s namesake—including masturbation—in order to cleanse himself of all of the bad thoughts that are running through his head. He just needs to go cold turkey, or so he tells himself.

Hartnett makes one mistake—as screenwriting 101 would dictate—and tells his roomie about the plan. Word is soon out at work and soon his buddies are placing bets on how long he’ll last. (Their Web site, “The Vow,” offers a few of the film’s only genuine laughs). Now women in the office are declaring open season on Hartnett, seeing making him break down and put out as a challenge.

With his semi-squinty dark eyes and quasi-jock build, Hartnett’s a pleasing slab of meat. But beyond his looks, this film has very, very little to offer. Saturday Night Live vet Mary Gross makes an appearance as Hartnett’s mother—which, in a sense, is fitting. This film feels much like one of those SNL sketches which has about 30 seconds’ worth of laughs but is dragged out for 10 whole minutes.

There’s one inspired dream sequence late in the film, when Hartnett envisions flying over a mountain-like landscape made up of breasts. Other than that, however, the film is perhaps best likened to a Kleenex used to wipe up Hartnett’s goo: To be thrown away with nary an afterthought. :

40 Days and 40 Nights opens Friday, March 1