This week: Beer fascism, Orange Julep, Lyle the Tatooist!

Plus: Salary raises for musicians
will kill local scene!!

“edited” by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M Hey, I got a good one. Did you know that all the musicians of the local scene had a RAISE IN SALARY recently? Lucky them. They’re going to be paid $116 per musician for every show they’re going to do. Yes, according to the Musicians Guild every musician should be paid like that, be they amateur, semi-professional or professional. No fucking distinction made. The only little problem with that raise in salary is that amateur and semi-professional musicians won’t be able to play at all. The kinds of places and bars that book them won’t be able to pay them that much. Yeah, so they all get a raise in salary but they’re not going to be able to play anywhere—what about that? Presently, with the help of the law, the Guild is forcing bars and concert places to sign with them, and they want to apply their rules to all the bars and concert places around Montreal. So I hope you don’t let that happen because it will be the DEATH of the local scene we’re all talking about here. [BLEEP!]

M Live music is having a tough time everywhere and here’s another reason why. It’s due to the exclusive beer policy at Montreal venues, such as the Caféine show at Café Campus where beer sales were restricted to singular national brand SWILL. I know many people believe they enjoy these products but many individuals such as myself do not. Quebec has some of the finest beers in Canada—if not some of the best indie breweries in the world—but instead of spending money to support the club that’s putting on this event, I voted with my feet, left the show early and spent the money elsewhere on a beverage of my choice. If this BEER FASCISM were to happen in any other city in Canada, it would not be tolerated. People would not frequent these clubs, they would walk. Why do Montrealers put up with this? [BLEEP!]

F I think it really sucks that musicians from Quebec have to get out of here to actually have a career. Time passes so fast and sure, Montreal’s a comfortable town, but for artists, it’s nothing. You’ll all end up working for Visa or Fido or STEVE’S MUSIC SHOP. Where are all those talented people with ambition? Since Me Mom, I haven’t seen anything real exciting. At least bands like godspeed and the Dears are trying to do something. It’s like, come on, guys, instead of consuming like idiots and getting drunk and talk-talk-talk bullshit and complain, just play music. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is Jake Brown calling again. It’s been a couple of years since my last confession. I’ve been out of town, been out of the local music business, and the only reason I’m ranting today is because I noticed a poster that says “Stu-Pository—One Night Only” and I’m just wondering, I’m completely out of the loop, but what the hell’s happening with the kids these days? What’s next? Are we gonna see signs that say “Jim Nasium—One Night Only,” “Hugh G. Erection—One Night Only”? Uhh, I don’t know what’s up with the kids these days but “Stu Pository”—is that some kind of indie guru act? Come on, people, you can do better than that. [BLEEP!]

F Hi Rant Line™. I’m just sitting here watching reruns of Mary Tyler Moore and wondering if you could send over a COUPLE of nice guys to come fuck my brains out. But don’t send me any asshole jerks. Nice guys please, clean guys. Could you possibly arrange this for me right away? Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the rant about the Orange Julep. Just to say that the person who said it’s run down and should be fixed up is way off the mark. It’s something that doesn’t need to be spruced up or frilled up—Montrealers love it for what it is! When Americans come off the highway and they see the McDonald’s next door, they head for McDonald’s and we like it that way. We like the fact that the Orange Julep is pure Montreal. Only Montrealers love the Orange Julep! It’s not an attraction, it’s not in any tour book, it’s something that Montrealers all love. It’s an OLD SCHOOL kind of thing. That’s why the old cars go there on Wednesday nights and that’s why cool shit happens there. Because it’s not fixed up and it’s not new and it’s not repainted and I hope it stays that way forever. Montrealers need to realize that. [BLEEP!]

M I’m looking for God. If you know where God is, please let me know. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I was wondering if anyone could let me know where the TATOOIST named Lyle is? He used to work out of Imago on Prince Arthur. I had a tattoo that he started and I’d like to get him to finish it and I know I’m not the only one out there with the same problem. So if anyone could help me out, that’d be great. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum