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Saucy slopes
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A look back at the classic sex 'n' ski comedies of the '80s
by MARK SLUTSKY
In the days leading up to its release, Out Cold, a new off-the-wall snowboarding 'n' sex comedy, provided a surge of excitement among those who had come of age in the '80s, the heyday of the wacky teen semi-exploitation movie. Would Out Cold prove a return to form, or at the very least a nostalgic trip back to the days of hot tubs, shreddin' ski stunts, uptight preppies, insolent anti-heroes and brief flashes of nudity? Sadly, that excitement was misplaced, as the movie contained barely any snowboarding, a very minimal amount of outrageous pranks and stunts, and, profanely, no skin.
It would have been a different story 15 years ago, before those old prudes at the MPAA frightened studios into cutting anything of interest to young adolescents out of their movies in order to avoid the dread "R" rating. But while Out Cold may be too neutered to be worth even a rental, deep in the bowels of Montreal's rental houses languish the forgotten classics of the '80s--the Ski Schools and Hot Dogs of that strange decade. They're worth a look.
Daddy Hot Dog
For the daddy of them all, check out the magnificent Hot Dog: The Movie (not to be confused with the later knock-off Hamburger: The Motion Picture, set at some sort of "hamburger academy"). This one's got it all--a naïve young rookie skier who hooks up with the wacky element at the resort, stuffy Euro-baddie "Hans" (a variation on the more classic preppy jerk), some out-of-this-world party sequences, and a certain scene set in a gondola that completely blew this writer's young mind upon first viewing a decade-and-a-half ago. There's only one respect in which Hot Dog slips a little, and that's the crucial skiing sequences themselves. For some reason, the resort is hosting a skiing "ballet" competition, which basically constitutes a bunch of flashy dance moves on the slopes. That's all fine and good, but you want to see some racing in a ski movie. Otherwise, though, Hot Dog's pedigree is nearly impeccable.
The makers of the popular Police Academy series tried their hands at the ski movie as well. Made in the late '80s when the P.A. series was already getting creaky (the era of Assignment: Miami Beach and City Under Siege), Ski Patrol certainly doesn't rank among the best of 'em. But it doesn have a certain charm, and adheres nicely to the formula (though it's as chaste as Out Cold).
Again, there's our classic ski flick elements--the wacky ski patrol types are pitted against the uptight preppy ski instructors (check out those sweaters!) who are in league with sinister financier Martin Mull. Mull wants to buy the mountain and turn it into a swanky resort, and there's no way our heroes are going to let that happen! Notable characters include Ray Walston, the kindly old owner of the joint, a foreign exchange ski patrol hottie (played by an actress billed only as "Tess"), and some fairly interchangeable party types.
Ski School antics
While Ski Patrol is just so-so, the similarily titled Ski School is a blast! Made in '91, Ski School is a beautiful elegy to an era that was sadly just coming to an end. Set in Whistler, Ski School follows the antics of Section Eight, the hard-partyin', irreverent branch of the mountain's ski school, and their ferocious conflict with those nasty preppies (with names like "Reed Jansen") from Section One. Ski School features one of the great "party dudes" of the '80s, the magnficent Dean Cameron, who left an indelible mark on young minds for his role as "Chainsaw" in the eternal fave Summer School. As Dave, he and his buddy Fitz wreak glorious havoc on the resort--teaching lambada to the Section One babes in the sauna, skiing off of so-called "impossible" cliffs--it's quite a sight.
But now, the bad news: despite extensive inquiries on the part of the Mirror, neither Snowballin' nor Snowballing could be located in any Montreal-area video store. This mysterious pair--both released in the same year--merit intriguing mentions in the Video Hound (Snowballin': "A ski instructor gives private lessons to a bunch of snow bunnies"; Snowballing: "Lusty high-schoolers at a skiing competition look for action on and off the slopes and end up exposing a resort fraud"), but seem to be sadly unavailable at this time.
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