This week: Pandoras, Rhythm Mercenaries, power-tripping doormen!

Plus: What do white supremacists eat?!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Hey, I was at the Sonic Boom show and it was the best show that I've seen since I moved to Montreal, with the best crowd. I need to know where there's more stuff like this going on. I mean, everything's so CLIQUEY in this city, this was perfect. I need to find out where there is more stuff like this. [BLEEP!]

M

This goes out to the person or persons who have been taking down Rhythm Mercenaries' posters and nobody else's. Buddy, when I catch you doing it, I'm gonna knock you on your ass. Stop it, man! If you've got a problem with us, come to one of our shows and address us. If I see you taking down our posters and leaving everybody else's up, I'm gonna fucking kick the shit out of you. [BLEEP!]

F

This goes out to the Pandoras' lead singer Anik Dufresne. According to the Mirror, you've faced a lot of discrimination and heard some disgusting comments about being an all-girl band. Granted, that's probably true, but what's up with the disgusting comments you made at your show, holding up what you felt was an EXTRA LARGE G-STRING, asking if any guys present had a big-assed girlfriend who you could give it to? Seeing as how you stressed a couple of times how it didn't fit you. Obviously, Anik, you've got some insecurities. You also stated in the Mirror that women are more sensitive. That's funny, because if you were more sensitive, you'd be aware that one in four college girls has an eating disorder and 80 per cent of Grade 4 girls have already been on a diet. Maybe you think you're going against the grain with your all-girl line up but, really, your attitude is part of the problem facing girl musicians these days. You're the one boxing yourself in. As a footnote, your lyrics are uninteresting and cliché. They're like pop music posing as hard-edged. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. This message is for Frenchy. A couple things. The first is you don't go to watch a DJ, you go to listen to a DJ. The second is there's no real music vs. unreal music. There's just good music. Third, there are good DJs and they're as talented as any guitarist, songwriter, flute player, beat box boomer, whatever, out there. Lastly, if you don't like it, don't go. Peace out. Good bye. [BLEEP!]

F

This is a message for that idiot psycho I saw giving CRYSTAL to a guy up his nose while the guy could hardly even stand up and his PANTS were half down. Don't ever give crystal to someone like that again, you could kill them and you'll be responsible for their death. Think that's cool? Idiot. [BLEEP!]

M

Brief reply from the Unemployed Idiot who complained about the ecological disaster area formerly called Jailhouse on Mont-Royal. First, it's only perpetual potheads who sleep the whole day. For my own part, I like to get sufficient sleep so I can seek employment--something few could in the bad old days when Jailhouse's rowdy crowds entertained those of us living in the area. Secondly, an idiot is called mentally retarded or perpetually handicapped when less serious--for example, after smoking marijuana regularly for some years. Finally, I'm not from Toronto. As you bet $20 that I was, then I do expect that you have so much honour that you'll send the money to the Rant Line(TM) staff for a New Year's lunch, so these hard-working fellows can get a much needed break from all the pathetic potheads who pester them year in and year out, whining about urban bubonic plague sources like Jailhouse. Thank you very much. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, I'm calling to rant about the power-tripping DOORMEN of the Montreal bar scene--mostly in the Plateau area. I often go out late at night around 2:30 a.m., just to catch last call. But the doormen get a huge kick out of saying NO. I just wanna go in for a last drink and I don't wanna pay a cover, because it's, like, 2:30 a.m. It's the end of the night! The clubs are going to make money anyway by selling drinks, I swear to God half the time the doormen pocket the money at the end. That's it. NJ signing off. [BLEEP!]

M

I have this question that I've been wondering about for years and finally today it just drove me completely nuts. What the hell do white supremacists, Nazis and racists EAT? I mean, do they not eat falafel? If you're a Nazi white supremacist racist guy or you're a Klansman and you're hungry, do you avoid Chinese food? We all know that Nazis have their own rock groups to listen to, but now there's a thing in Europe where Nazi death metal guys have been eschewing rock 'n' roll because it's black music and they only listen to synthesizers. But what about food? If you're a Klansman, do you avoid peanut butter because it was invented by George Washington Carver? Or can you eat it because it's been generally assimilated into the North American culture and is no longer primarily a black food? This is important! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum