This week: Psy-trance, Diaper Boy, phone sex operators!

Plus: How to remove tattoos, cheap!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F

To the guy Frenchy who's complaining about no good DJs. I'm telling you it's all about Psy-trance and Goa. You wanna go to a good party, you wanna hear some really good talented DJs who aren't worshipped as gods but are regarded as EQUALS, come to a psychedelic party, man. There's one happening on the Nov. 24. You can reach the info line at 204-0420. It's nothing like the stupid club scene, it's nothing like the stupid after-hours scene. Good DJs, good times, good people. And I think we need more respect in this city. People are freaking out over shit they could be doing something about if they just got together and did something. [BLEEP!]

M

To the guy who called himself Frenchy and had some choice comments to make about DJ culture in Montreal. Granted there are a lot of STINKY DJs who just put one record on after another, but there are also plenty of DJs who make a decent effort to put on good fucking music for us people who like to dance, to move to. So you and your Frenchy friends who like to listen to TOOTHLESS Quebs singing songs about equal rights for the French in this province can keep doing that but the rest of us should not have to endure your cheesy lame-ass rants. [BLEEP!]

M

Congratulations, Montreal. It seems someone has finally figured out how incredibly boring and useless it is going to pay $10 to stand in front a guy who spins records when all of us live musicians are STARVING out here. I would just like to say that I predict a renaissance of actual music being played by musicians and I predict that DJs will go back to playing Polish weddings where they belong. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M

I'd like to comment on that idiot UNEMPLOYED guy who said that Jailhouse was a problem and made too much noise. You idiot, you're unemployed! You SLEEP all day. You're an unemployed guy! You say you can't afford marijuana? You can't afford anything--you're unemployed. I bet you $20 right now that you're from Toronto. [BLEEP!]

F

Yo, dudes. I've been jamming at Studio Economique and could somebody please tell the landlord to turn down the heat because it's fucking sweltering in here! [BLEEP!]

M

To the guy looking for the movie Breaking. I have it in the original cheesy box. I still like Beat Street better though. But one funny thing about that movie--towards the end, during one of the dance scenes on the beach, there's a guy in the background dancing along in black spandex and it's Jean-Claude Van Damme. No shit. [BLEEP!]

F

Can anybody out there please tell me how to put my VOICE to use and get a job as a phone sex operator? I mean, these girls don't just grow from trees or come out of the blue, they have to be hired, right? I was offered a job when I was 12 but I haven't been offered another one since. So if anybody has a clue, please get back to the Rant Line(TM) because I am all out of ideas. [BLEEP!]

M

This goes out to the guy who wants to get his tattoos removed in a very cheap fashion. Well, one method that was used when my old man was in PRISON--and he had many tattoos--is you take salt and a toothbrush and you start scraping. You do this four times a day, every single day. Eventually you're gonna get a scab. Take salt, because salt is an antibiotic, or it works as one, and you just continue scraping away, scraping away, and once you've taken off a couple layers, apply peroxide. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

A bit of advice for the person who wants to remove a tattoo inexpensively. The Hells Angels do it by taking a cheese grater and just grating the person until the skin comes off. YEOOOW. [BLEEP!]

M

To get a tattoo removed for cheap, just go the Jewish General Hospital, tell them it's a racist sentiment, and they'll take it off for free. [BLEEP!]

F

On the subject of the city stealing bikes: there is a phone number you can call and there is a giant warehouse you can go to near the Crémazie or Sauvé metro. You can get your bike back. I don't remember the number. However, if you call the general information number for the city of Montreal and explain the situation, they'll probably give you a number, which is probably the wrong number, but maybe they'll give you the right number when you call that number. It's a bit of a wild GOOSE chase but eventually you will get through to someone to whom you will describe the colour and brand of your bike. Good luck. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, this is for Al. This is Diaper Boy. I'm still around and I'm always looking for people who want to get together. A while ago I was out wearing a diaper downtown and people still ran away. I don't know what the big deal is but, anyway, if you're looking for me, I'm still around. Bye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum