Testosterone triumphant!

>> The Ripping Friends, the new series from Ren & Stimpy's John Kricfalusi, vindicates full-on, goddamn manliness

by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

There's really nothing new about The Ripping Friends, the new cartoon series from Ren & Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi. The idea isn't new--it was boiling in the back of John K.'s fevered mind well before the debut of Ren & Stimpy. The corporal humour isn't new--the exquisitely rendered glands, fluids and dermatological unpleasantness are carried over from that hit series. And while the idea of four massively muscled masquerados (Rip, Crag, Chunk and Slab), righting wrongs through brute force, may seem glaringly unfamiliar in these days of petulant, post-P.C. milquetoasterie, there was a time when such paragons of unadulterated masculinity walked the Earth in great numbers, neck arteries pulsating, lantern jaws jutting proudly up and forward.

Alas, such days seem all but gone. "I think we're not given anything extreme in any artform," seethes Kricfalusi, all man in his horn-rimmed specs, bowlcut and mom-selected shirt. "There are no undiluted versions of anything anymore. Manliness was the first thing to go. Even in the '60s, they started toning down the real-man characters--the last ones in film were probably Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson. After that, they started getting sensitive and stuff."

To Kricfalusi, the slow, emasculated death of the animation artform began at the same time--he blames it all on the Saturday morning cartoon programming format, born in the mid-'60s, which ushered out independent artists and ushered in creativity by committee (meaning clueless suits). "Once someone came up with the idea that executives should be involved in the creation of cartoons, that was the end of it. They were also giving in to a lot of pressure groups. In the '70s, there was Action for Children's Television, saying that cartoons, Bugs Bunny and all that, were too violent.

"What's the point of a superhero if he's not violent? The whole idea is vigilante justice. When the cops can't save you, it's up to some guy with superhuman strength to take the law into his own hands and kick some ass. You don't use reason, you use force. That's the whole point of the superhero. That's why they're so popular--you can't get away with that in real life."



Peace, love and crappiness

So where does the blame for the wussifying of our once-great culture lie? Who is it who so richly deserves that the unmitigated wrath of the Ripping Friends be visited upon their sorry asses? Commie pinko hippies, that's who!

"Mysticism is where it comes from," snarls Kricfalusi. "American society was the most logical since the ancient Greeks. We believed in progress, in logic, thinking, reasoning, constantly creating a better world. Science, technology, democracy--all these things take a lot of thought."

A catering tray arrives at our table, prompting more Kricfalusian fury. "Perfect example. Couple of guys in a room here and they bring us broccoli! Where the hell is the beef?! There should be a big, bloody steak in there! Guys eat broccoli because they kinda know it's good for them, but no guy likes broccoli!"

Okay, back to our central rant. "The hippies brought with them this Eastern mysticism that they didn't even understand themselves. They questioned everything that was good about progress and technology, and destroyed Western civilization, as far as I'm concerned. Culture is dead, and has been since the mid-'60s, when the dirty hippies took over. And now corporate thought--you'd think corporations would be a purely American product of progress and capitalism, but they're not. Not any more. Now corporations are run by ex-hippies, people who go to retreats and beat drums in the woods and bury themselves up to their necks and have Indians piss on them. Can you believe all this crazy stuff? They've taken over everything!

"It's creative people, and scientists, philosophers and inventors that move the world. Those are the people that you need--everyone else is a follower. But they've stopped that. All those human endeavours that used to perpetuate themselves and drag the world along with them, they're all run by corporations now--which are run by ex-hippies. They stop creativity, they don't allow it to happen."

For now. Once they've pummelled foes like the Indigestible Wad, Man Man & Boy Boy and Pungent Puss into submission, the Ripping Friends will get right on it. Are you listening, Ted Turner?!