Take your pick!

>> The Mirror's non-partisan, completely objective partial guide to the mayoral candidates and what they'll do if elected

by CRAIG SEGAL and PATRICK LEJTENYI

Between the mudslinging, the ads, the debates, the soundbites, the headlines, the photo ops and all the other meganonsense, there are, believe it or not, actual issues at stake in the megacity election.

Forced mergers, yes. But what about all the rest of the stuff, those boring, everyday issues that actually affect how you, the Montrealer (which as of January 1 means everybody on the island) will go about your day-to-day existence?

As a public service, the Mirror has designed this quick and handy guide to some of the key issues that may have been overlooked in the heated pitch of campaigning. Below are five topics and the mayoral candidates' position on each. Just to show we don't favour any particular person or party, we have tried to include as many of the candidates as possible.

	Pierre Bourque, Team Bourque/Vision Montreal	Gérald Tremblay, Montreal Island Citizens Union	Michel Bédard, White Elephant Party
HOUSING	The French press nailed Bourque for moving the Overdale squatters into an abandoned school on Rachel over the summer. To wipe off his "soft" image, he then expelled them. Bourque promises to make it easier for tenants to become owners, to build 4,000 cooperative and non-profit housing units and "hostel-housing" for homeless youth. Bourque says only a couple thousand rental units need repairs. He blames urban sprawl for bringing "special issues to the city," like homelessness and mental illness. And he says the megacity needs tax dollars from the suburbanites to help him deal with the "special issues."	Tremblay will create a special "standing committee of city council" to work hard on the knotted pretzel that is housing. He promises to use only his "responsible and accountable city councilors." Tremblay issued a press release last week claiming Bourque is sitting on homeless funding. Tremblay says Montreal--where, according to Tremblay, 30,000 people await affordable housing--is experiencing a housing crisis. He promises to build 6,000 units of social housing and another 4,000 "reasonable cost" units. Tremblay says 50,000 rental units are in need of major repairs.	According to the literature, Bédard believes housing is a right for all people. Tenants should not be evicted to further private interests, and subsidies for renovations should benefit both landlords and tenants (the latter in the form of rent control). Wants to see Hydro drop its flat residential tax rate of $33 per month, which he says unfairly punishes those living in small, single-room dwellings. Also calls for subsidized housing for single-parent families, which should be built in safe, residential neighbourhoods--unlike, he charges, the 50 existing units now standing at Ontario and Fullum, in the heart of one of Montreal's seedier districts.
TRANSPORTATION	Promises a $30 youth bus pass. Bourque's transportation image got big kudos last week when the Quebec and federal governments announced they will build a bridge linking Montreal and the city's south-west. He promises to reduce the negative effects of traffic, not traffic itself, and claims to favour the use of electric vehicles. He promises to invest $1.5-million per year to extend bicycle paths, including completing the bike path around the island. Bourque also promises to conduct a feasibility study on the creation of a composting factory, to extend the metro to Laval, Anjou and the South Shore and to build a light rail on Parc.	Promises a $22.50 youth bus pass. He wants to decrease car use by maximizing public transportation, and by decreasing waiting time for buses from 30 minutes to 20. He promises to increase bus lanes on Henri-Bourassa and create preferential lanes on Beaubien, St-Michel, and Rosemont. He also promises more buses in the East End interior, and to extend the blue and orange metro lines.	Wants to offer discount fares to all students enrolled full time in all universities and colleges, regardless of age; improve what he refers to as "execrable" service to the handicapped and people of reduced mobility; and remove all advertising from metro turnstiles. Also wants to get rid of advertising initiatives that turn our buses and subway cars into moving billboards peddling "beer, milk or Chef Boy-ar-dee meatballs."
LOCAL AUTONOMY	Bourque is considered by many as the anti-democrat. One of the first things he did after getting elected in 1994 was try to wipe out the neighbourhood council, a citizen-based decision-making body. Quebec didn't let him, so he let them live, after sucking their power away. Bourque is seen as running the city in the same style as the autocratic former mayor Jean Drapeau, a good friend of Bourque's dad's. Nevertheless, he promises to give power back to the citizens. Like Tremblay, he promises to help municipalities wiped out by the megacity maintain their sense of community.	Tremblay is trying to centre his campaign on democracy. Last year, he chaired an important, although unnoticed, congress on Montreal democracy, the Tremblay Commission, from which he concluded there's a mega-lack of democracy in Montreal. He is banking on the "citizen" image, as can be gleaned from the name of his party. He promises to empower citizens so that they can vote for or against projects in their neighbourhoods.	Calls for the creation of a citizen protection organization independent of the municipal administration (unlike the present one, he says, which is run by a Bourque flunky). Also wants to institute, come next election, a proportional representation system rather than the present first-past-the-post, which, he feels, helps "the big parties with lots of cash and no ideas, but penalizes the little guys with ideas but no cash." Also wants to modify electoral laws, which he compares to a "Gruyère cheese (full of holes)." Thinks the laws encourage fraud, arm-twisting and extortion. Finally, wants free and open access to municipal information.
INFRASTRUCTURE	Bourque promises to "improve access for handicapped people to the underground city, some metro stations and to pedestrian crossings and access ramps." He makes vague promises about studies and a better relationship with services. Bourque's big suggestion for city infrastructure? "Careful planning" and "careful choices." And the "Green Mayor" is not in favour of banning pesticides. He also makes it very clear that he heavily backs the PQ, no matter what the PQ does: "We will continue to support the Quebec transport department's movement management plan for the Montreal region."	Tremblay wants to improve infrastructure, but he is seen as optimistic when he says Montreal will be able to finance itself without Quebec's help. "Pools must open with the first heat of summer," he says. "Potholes must be repaired as soon as they appear." Tremblay says infrastructure needs "major investments," "new technology," better coordination between private and public sectors, and sustainable development. Notably, Tremblay promises a ban on the use of pesticides for cosmetic purposes, while Bourque does not.	Wants Montreal to shed its image as pothole capital of the world and extend the period of unlimited street parking from December 1 to April 15 (it now stands between December 1 and March 1, ostensibly to let the motorized street sweepers do their thing--which is nonsensical, given Montreal's constant and depressing April snowstorms). Calls also for revamping of street signs, which he calls "useless, contradictory, redundant or difficult to figure out," and reduce and replace existing parking meters with "smart" electric ones, which would allow a 10-minute grace period. Last, wants to build several multi-level parking lots that are aesthetically pleasing and fit in well with the surrounding environment.
ESSENTIAL SERVICES	Bourque promises to eliminate orphan clauses--which allot raises based on an employees's age, thus penalizing younger workers--in all public jobs. Surprisingly, Bourque promises drug addiction clinics to "gradually eliminate the unsupervised use of needles in public places." He also promises to involve street workers more in the maintenance and creation of programs for marginal people such as the homeless and prostitutes. He pats himself on the back for his recycle-conscious eco-quartiers and promises to give them more investment. Bourque has been harshly criticized in the past for his relationship with the fire department, which has frequently reared its ugly head into court. He has also been elbowed for not maintaining enough funding for snow removal.	Like Bourque, Tremblay promises more egalitarian hiring practices. Tremblay says Montreal needs better security, especially for women. How to improve security? Citizen participation in police work, preventative crime fighting, better dialogue between the public and the police, and improvement to the city's readiness to handle emergencies. Tremblay promises a better relationship with firefighters, who strike frequently. And, once he gets elected, he promises to make a new study of Montreal firefighting and a fire prevention campaign.	Wants to rein in the cops and restructure the method of police evaluation, which he thinks rewards cops for quantitative work only, such as the number of arrests they make. Wants to improve general safety while doing away with certain laws and "that damn helicopter that keeps us up nights on the Plateau and in Centre-Sud." Also says to lay off the squeegee kids and the homeless, but provide shelters for drug addicts and prostitutes "who are truly trying to escape hell." Not surprisingly, calls for improved snow-removal and de-icing services, and improving response time for emergency vehicles.

Al Cappe, Communist League	Daniel Cormier, Team Cormier	Ricardo Hrtschan, Mayor, Town of Mount Royal	Super Cauchon, superhero	Samoila Pirau
While his main platform is protesting against America's War on Terrorism, Cappe has mentioned he wants a massive surge in low-income housing. Presumably, some of this would be for the benefit of refugees fleeing the war in Afghanistan, whom he feels should be welcomed into the country unconditionally. Cappe's literature is heavy on socialist rhetoric, however, and light on substance. An example: "Those who produce all the wealth through their labour need to unite in a revolutionary struggle to establish their own government in Canada, a workers' and farmers' government."	The shaggy-bearded Cormier ruffled a lot of feathers with his opposition to Montreal's hosting of the Gay Games in 2006, but he is not a single-idea candidate. He considers public transportation a necessity, and if elected will lower the cost of passenger fares (which he considers a public service tax), extend student fares to all students regardless of age, will offer free parking near all suburban metro stations and provide a bus pass to social assistance claimants.	Running on a strictly anti-merger platform, Hrtschan believes each district is responsible for its own finances and taxation--no taxation without representation is his call. The new megacity should respect global laws respecting the rights of small municipalities as enshrined in the Canadian constitution and the European and World Charters of Local Autonomy. Furthermore, the city should facilitate, finance and encourage the large number of challenges against the forced merger in court, given that the merger was imposed illegally and against citizens' wishes. Will begin the process of creating a confederation of sovereign cities on the island of Montreal.	Gag candidate and alter ego of CKOI radio personality Luc Cauchon, Super Cauchon wants to build five new bridges between the island and the South Shore, install a chair lift at St. Joseph's Oratory, transform the Ville-Marie tunnel into a cigar lounge, make all north-south streets one-way, shorten the Décarie to make access to Laval that much quicker and extend the metro to St-Sauveur, and the IGA to Granby (Metro, IGA--the supermarket joke, get it? Tee hee).	Your man for law and order. Montreal, abounding with perverts, dope fiends and psychotics, will be a safer, quieter police state if Pirau is elected. He will: introduce mandatory ID cards for all island residents and security guards in all buildings with 20 or more units; have undercover cops on regular patrol; create a public security force similar to the one in Westmount; and forbid any and all firearms and explosives. His goal: a 75 per cent reduction in all crime in Montreal.