Life: the sequel by MATTHEW HAYS The events of 9-11 were so shocking, the fact that everyone kept saying it felt like a movie didn't seem surprising. "American life turns into bad Jerry Bruckheimer movie," declared the mock headline, in the astonishingly brilliant Onion Web site's coverage of 9-11. But the comparisons have continued, from The Towering Inferno to Armageddon to Independence Day. An item in Entertainment Weekly noted an "unsettling" stat: that rentals of The Siege and Die Hard movies were up 50 per cent. Why would this seem unsettling? Wouldn't it be natural for people desperate to make sense of this traumatic mess to look for some kind of reflection in the form of fiction? I suppose the comfort could only be short-lived; there was no Bruce Willis or Harrison Ford there to save the day on 9-11. Interestingly enough, Richard Goldstein, writing in the Village Voice the week following the attacks, called for an end to searching for the right metaphor. Perhaps, he suggested, we should be beyond that, seeing as the situation is so new, complex and unprecedented. But there is something comforting in finding metaphors. Maureen Dowd hit multiple nails on the head in a column in last Sunday's New York Times. Titled "Touch of Evil," her piece equated America's current situation with that of the hero of so many film noir movies. Quoting Nicholas Christopher, she correctly points out that noir heroes typically "descend 'into an underworld, on a spiral,' the object of his quest 'is elusive,' and he is beset 'by agents of a larger design of which he is only dimly aware.'" Equally dead-on was her other allusion, suggesting that "we are in Blair Witch territory, letting our imaginations filigree the unknown and unseen, bracing for the next terrible thing." I would add that we're also in Invasion of the Body Snatchers territory, the terrorists having lurked among us, undetected. Fiction and reality have been merging in other ways, too. Novelist Tom Clancy is now a coveted guest on chat shows, offering his reassurances that the bastards who did this will get their comeuppance. Last weekend a Pentagon official appeared on CNN, attempting to reassure the public that, as in fiction, the good guys would prevail. (Perhaps this Pentagon type hasn't done a lot of reading. Many of the books I've read and movies I've seen have entirely unhappy endings. He didn't seem that bright.) Then came the surreal clincher. Early this week, Variety broke the story that Pentagon officials had collected a gaggle of Hollywood writers together to brainstorm about potential terrorist calamities. As weird as it is, this actually seems like a very good idea. It isn't out of the realm of possibility that the terrorists gained some of their inspiration from Hollywood blockbusters, and we're now in the rather dire situation of having to think worst-case scenario. Consultants included David Fincher (Fight Club), Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich) and Randal Kleiser (of Grease fame--apparently, government officials are worried the terrorists might go so far as to try to stage a musical). How much weirder can this possibly get? I guess I'll have to close with that tired old movie/TV cliché: stay tuned. COMMENTS: mhays@mtl-mirror.com