This week: DJ Rock, stripping games, dirty hipsters, 36C breasts!

Plus: Miss Cleo's credibility called into question!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

This is just to let all the people in Montreal know that DJ Rock is not Canada's best club DJ as his CD says. I don't know what this fucker thinks he's doing by putting out a CD saying he's Canada's best DJ when he doesn't even fucking play at a club. He plays at Le Skratch, a pool hall on the South Shore. That guy can just suck my left nut if he thinks he's the best DJ. That's all. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, here's my rant on music, okay? Today's mainstream artists are no-talent, non-cultured freaks of society who have taken advantage of the FREE WORLD by acting like slaves to corporations. Most of all the people on the radio and TV, with all the dough, have no values or solid convictions in society and this reflects in their music. When you have a performer like Jay-Z or Snoop who promotes the abuse of alcohol and drugs and treating women like ho's, it almost makes it okay to call a black man "nigger"--even if he is a doctor. These people have sold their own people out for the mighty buck. I believe in just having a great old time, but at whose expense? I, for one, do not support any performer who does not want to have change in society. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, I'm just wondering where all these so-called psychics were prior to the attack on the World Trade Center--people like Miss Cleo. If these people are so good then why didn't they foresee this happening? I'm sure someone in New York or Washington or Pennsylvania must have gone to a psychic because there are so goddamned many of them. Why wasn't anybody warned that there was a tragedy coming? You know why? Because all these psychics are full of shit. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F

Why is 36C considered fake? I mean, if you really think about it, 36Cs aren't all that big--well, they're not as big as I would like them to be anyway. I'm 19 and I have 36Cs and, to me, they're not all that big. So why do people automatically assume that 36Cs are fake? Could somebody please explain this to me and tell me why 36C is a great size to have? Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

This is in response to our Western brother who finds Montrealers to be a little too dirty for his liking. I find it odd that he's lived in four different places, has the nerve to stick around and throw his fucking BEEF in the face of us DIRTY-LIVING HIPSTERS. I think it has a little bit more to do with the fact that landlords don't clean before you move in. It has little to do with the people who neglected to clean behind the fridge before they moved to their next apartment. So why don't you get your skanky ass back to Hastings Street, back to your delusional fantasies that the rooms you're sitting in are clean and leave us Montreal hipsters to our own rants. Okay. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, I've got some beef with the cleanliness freak from Saskatoon who's complaining about dirty fridges. She's gotta realize that it's on a level of relativity because, if you look at the small details, everything is dirty and there's dust all over the place. She needs to clean up her act before she cleans up her apartment. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, so it's time to vote in this election and I'm wondering, does anybody know how we're supposed to find out anything about these candidates? I'm 20 years old, it's my first time voting and I really don't understand how I'm supposed to pick a CANDIDATE. Am I supposed to pick a face that I like on those posters? Could someone help me? [BLEEP!]

F

This is for the girl who wants advice on how to stop biting her nails. I used to bite my nails when I was a kid, like, to no end and I finally figured out how to stop. My family doctor told me to use nail polish. Pick a favourite nail polish--if you like clear nail polish, go for it--and you'll look at your nails differently, you'll go, "Ooh, they're pretty, they're nice, I don't want to bite them and screw them up." Anyway, it worked for me. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the person who wants to stop biting her nails. I don't know how good this advice is, but I know that I stopped biting my nails when I got BRACES, so if she's planning on getting braces then that would be an idea. It's pretty hard to bite your nails when you have braces. I cut my nails now. For what it's worth. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the chick who wants some advice on how to stop biting her nails. Basically, what you should do is stick your fingers up your butt, that should pretty much do the trick. If you still bite your nails after that, you'll probably puke. [BLEEP!]

F

Does anyone know where I can find people in Montreal who like to play strip poker every once in awhile? It doesn't have to be poker, but just some kind of stripping game, you know, something fun. Not just about sex, just stripping. Well, sex is good too. But everyone should probably know, I play to win. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum