World of crap

>> Foul fumes and flying feces all in a day's work for portapotty cleaner

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Richard Dandurand

Age: 57

Occupation: Portapotty service man

Salary: About $38,000 per annum

Bio: This jovial St-Michel resident and true gentleman has been employed by R.C. Environment for 33 years--first as a garbageman, and more recently in the endlessly rewarding field of portable toilet maintenance. A talented handyman and nature lover, Richard often starts his workday at 4:30 a.m., vacuuming feces out of portapotties and safely into the holding tank of his truck. He claims that other people's poo smells no better or worse to him at 4:30 in the morning than it does at three in the afternoon. "I'm very used to the smell of shit."

The worst season to work as a portapotty cleaner: "Summer is bad because the smell is stronger and there are more toilets to clean. But winter is definitely the worst because everything inside the toilet turns to slush and clogs up my vacuum. Sometimes it all turns to solid ice, which makes removing the shit that much harder."

The way a true professional removes frozen fecal matter from a portapotty in winter: He breaks up the poopoo ice with a pick, gets down on his knees, puts on a glove, and leans over to start pulling individual chunks of shit out of the bowl by hand.

Where he eats his lunch: Inside his truck with the windows closed. "By lunchtime I smell too bad to ever eat in a restaurant with other people."

Something he really doesn't like: When teenagers push portapotties over for fun.

When he is in an elevator or riding the metro and somebody farts does it tend to remind him of work? Not especially.

A trick he does when people on a work site start giving him unnecessary grief: Turns his truck in their direction, turns on his pump, and lets it air out in their vicinity. "I call it giving people shit."

Best part of job: Being out on the road all day and having the opportunity to admire the local scenery--especially "the pretty girls downtown" and the rugged beauty that is the south shore of the St. Lawrence river.

Worst: Sometimes, at the end of the day when he empties out the holding tank of his truck, the pressure backs up and the contents of the tank go flying everywhere, covering him from head to toe in feces. "Oh yeah, it's bad when that happens."

His childhood ambition: To become a wildlife conservation agent.

What he does on summer weekends: Relaxes in his mobile home at a campground near Sorel. "I love it there."

Something he does to "de-stress" after a full day of emptying toilets: Several nights a week he gets together with friends at the local athletic centre to play volleyball or softball.

Literary preferences: A passionate botanist, Richard likes books about gardening. "I'm mostly interested in non-fiction and reference books."

Something he likes to do: Vacation down south in the winter.

Musical preferences: Elvis, Elton John, black female artists, Latino music. "I'm more interested in songs than the artists who actually sing them."

Words of wisdom: "La vie est belle."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca