Fateful flop

>> Serendipity fails to charm

by MARK SLUTSKY

They don't come more trivial than Serendipity, the new romance flick starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. With its dreary faux-cheer and limp philosophizing, this is a movie that would like you to believe in destiny. If destiny somehow means not having to sit through any more of this kind of flaky nonsense, then I'll bite.

Our heroes first encounter each other Christmas shopping way back in the romantic holiday season of '94. Meeting cute in Bloomingdales (holiday rush, last pair of cashmere gloves), the two hang out and spend a "magical" evening together, which basically consists of a couple of cappuccinos and some ice skating. Cusack wants to hook up again, but Beckinsale (one of those annoying people who like to repeat that they "don't believe in coincidences") decides they will only if fate says so. Anyway, seven years later both are on the brink of marrying other people when they get the urge to get together again. But how? They don't even know each other's last names!

Well, if you live in magical crappy movie world (a place where New York looks like Toronto), destiny will sort everything out for you, providing you run around enough, talk to colourful local characters and confide in your best friend (which both Cusack and Beckinsale do endlessly). Serendipity features a barrage of conversations on fate and destiny, on things that are "meant to be." Destiny ends up coming across like a consumer luxury item for affluent young professionals who have their weddings at the Waldorf-Astoria.

Generally, movies like this involve some sort of emotional transition for the characters. Maybe they hate each other at first and grow to realize that they're actually in love. This is how Cusack and Beckinsale's characters progress in Serendipity: 1) At the beginning of the movie they want to hang out. 2) In the middle of the movie they haven't seen each other for a long time and want to hang out again. 3) Finally, they're sure that they want to hang out.

If you want to see a really good movie along these lines, rent Before Sunrise, which wisely skips the seven-years-later bit, and has more charm than any of Serendipity's cloying, cutesy, musical montages.