This week: Haitian food, ass-signing, black, white!

Plus: Pregnant women declared really, really attractive!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F

I'm calling from the Copyright show at Café Campus. A couple of years ago, I asked John Kastner to sign my arm and he wrote NO. So tonight I asked the singer from Copyright--I think his name is Damian--to sign my tush and he would not. Yet the keyboard player, whose name is Hamm, obliged me sincerely. I find it disappointing that people who aren't even rock stars feel that they can reject your body parts as if they're shit. [BLEEP!]

F

Just calling to let everyone know about the Funk night happening Tuesdays at Saphir at 3699 St-Laurent. It's one of the greatest nights--you've got some breakdancers, you've got a live drummer, you've got singers, you've got some HAITIAN FOOD. If you want to have a good time and pick up some beautiful women, then come. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

My rant is about love--that's all we need in this city. I'm from California, came out here to enjoy the GOOD VIBES, which I would like to see dominate instead of the "I'm really tough, I'm really cool" vibe that I'm encountering on the late-night circuit. If you just put this in the paper, people would read it and be, like, "Hey, yeah, that's right, love is the only thing that matters." Thank you and aloha from California. [BLEEP!]

F

I want to give Jungle Fever Girl two thumbs up for leaving that rant. She was right: there are white girls walking downtown with them black guys and they be giving us BAD LOOKS like they all that and shit. Girls, listen, you can do that if you want to, but you wouldn't be doing this shit if your black so-called boyfriend wasn't around. Because when you be looking at a black girl this way, you are asking for a beat down. By the way, when I say white girls, I'm talking about those Quebec girls, les québécoises, okay? Yeah, you with the extensions, yeah, you with the black lip liner with no lip gloss. Yeah, you that be dressing like he be sending you out to dance for him in a strip club or something. Next time you see a black girl with her clique, and you decide to give her a bad look, you best to know we gonna get you. And to those black guys that be dating them, you black guys will take any girl, okay? She can be blind, mute, missing a couple of teeth, missing both of her legs, as long as she white. Anyway, you all are so ridiculous, it's a damn fucking shame. I'm out. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi. I'm just reading that rant from the black girl who doesn't like black guys dating the white girls. You know what? I was just thinking that if you change it around and she becomes a white girl and you substitute BLACK for WHITE everywhere throughout the thing, that becomes some pretty RACIST shit, man. That's fucked up. [BLEEP!]

F

This is a message for the jealous black girl who thinks black men should stick to their own. Well, I have news for you. I would never date another black man for as long as I live. They're cheap, they're players and have no manners. As for white girls being easy, that's bullshit because there are more black girls who are sluts than white girls. So get your facts straight. I'm not racist, one of my BEST FRIENDS is black but she's not close-minded and uneducated like you. By the way, I'm pure Italian and I have a nice round booty, full lips, 36C breasts and a tight body. So get off your fucking high horse and open your eyes. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the sister who has an issue with jungle fever couples. All right, Malcolm X said, "Too much milk in your coffee dilutes it." That's a sentiment that a lot of black people still hold today. But there seems to be a trend going--one sister-friend of mine told me she's going with a white guy because it's a trendy thing. I believe it's a monetary thing. To each his own--the song by Sly Stone says, "different strokes for different folks." You shouldn't be complaining though, you seem to be going with your preference. I too prefer big booty, tight body sisters. Maybe we could hook up. Rant back. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, what happened to people getting together because they're attracted to each other? Does everything have to be about COLOUR? [BLEEP!]

M

I just want to know, amidst all the crap that's going on, has anyone bin Laden lately? HA! [BLEEP!]

M

This is a question for the ladies. I'm a 34-year-old guy--good looking and everything--and I have no problem picking up women. But I find that a lot of PREGNANT women are really, really attractive and every time I see them, l don't know, I want to make love to them or something. Is that weird? Is that just me? Do other guys feel like that? Is that normal or what? And if you are pregnant and you are good looking, then give me a call, okay? Ciao. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum