Don't bother

>> Don't Say a Word is a snoozefest

by MARK SLUTSKY

Well, it could have been good, or at least halfway watchable. But Don't Say a Word, a new thriller by Gary Fleder (Kiss the Girls) starring Michael Douglas as a psychiatrist with five hours to get a vital piece of information out of a speechless mental patient, just doesn't come together. It's one of those movies that has one decent idea, one trump card it could play, but for some annoying reason doesn't bother to exploit it all.

You see, Douglas's darling daughter's been kidnapped by a treacherous super-thief (Sean Bean), who's hunting around for a precious super-diamond one of his thief partners double-crossed him out of years before. The only person with any clue to the gem's whereabouts is the dead partner's traumatized, institutionalized daughter (a scarily skinny Brittany Murphy), who won't talk. So Bean nabs the kid, giving Douglas until five o'clock to get the necessary information out of his patient. Not a bad idea; Don't Say a Word could've been a tense psychological thriller, or at least an entertaining battle of the wills.

It isn't. For some reason, Douglas and Murphy's confrontation seems to last about five minutes, freeing up the rest of the movie for a lot of running around and needless gun-pointing. Douglas tensely barks into a cell phone; Bean cackles; the little girl tries to make friends with her tattooed captor; Famke Janssen (Douglas's bed-ridden wife) worries. Boy, does it get boring fast. And there's this whole business with Jennifer Esposito as a tough cop trying to figure out what's going on--it seems like the filmmakers added her just so the movie would have one female character who wasn't helpless, infirm, or catatonic.

You wonder why anyone involved would bother making Don't Say a Word in the first place. It's just that dull; it seems like no one could muster the enthusiasm to bother making the movie the least bit exciting. Take the scene where Douglas has to race down to the hospital in time to talk to Murphy. His car's blocked by the Thanksgiving Day parade, so what does he do? He asks a cop to let him through. The cop obliges. Whew! Had to check my blood pressure after that exciting set piece. Don't Say a Word is just another movie that doesn't even live up to its tiny potential.

Don't Say a Word opens Friday, Sept. 28