Too hot to handle, too cold to hold
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Finicky fashion's ethereal ins and outs of the moment
by GENEVIEVE PAIEMENT and JESSICA PATE
Any given season, the posh and finicky fashion flock creams itself about the trends of the minute. Then, before you can coo "Check out my gypsy-hippie, beaded acidwashed cape and matching stiletto jumpsuit," it's all out again. Still wearing those pastel-tinted aviators and 3/4-inch Burberry pants? Take heart--it'll all be back in two seasons anyway.
Hots
-- Neo-romanticism (very puffy sleeves, ruffles everywhere)
-- Pointy-toed stiletto boots (sexy, evil)
-- Gypsy-hippie chic, again (fringes, capes, ponchos--see fall '99)
-- Very faded denim and the new, very faded, acid wash (an acid flashback for your pants)
-- Skinny pleats (hints of school-girl sluttery)
-- The continued craze for big, fat belts with lots of holes (delightfully useless)
-- The continued fur craze (full coats, trims on collars, cuffs and boot cuffs)
-- Sheep-skin coats and boots (baaaah...)
-- Long sweater jackets (steal your mom's)
-- Afghan skirts, shawls (à la macramé)
-- Bearded men (let it grow past the prickle, to the smooth but trimmed phase)
-- Costume jewellery (play dress-up)
-- Tailored suits and ties on girls (again)
-- Bad mid to late '80s stuff (on 14-year-old models in fashion-forward Euro mags--what your mom wore in '86 and '87 and Value Village can't even give it away)
-- High-class, couture sporty (heels with jogging pants)
-- All black is back (oh, like it ever went out)
-- Tweed and houndstooth (left over from last fall)
-- Tight, one-piece jumpsuits and overalls
-- Crazy, crooked, re-worked jean skirts (often former jeans, with the legs sewn together)
-- Sheer lingerie (gauzy goodness)
-- Uniforms (Attenshun!)
-- Legwarmers (bust out the calf-cozies, it's time for some jazzercise!)
Nots
-- Chain belts (break free)
-- One-shouldered shirts (bare none)
-- Designer-made punk, "porn star," and rock T-shirts (unless you're a real rocker in which case, kudos)
-- Burberry over-accessorization (lose the shoe-umbrella-scarf combo)
-- That particularly Montreal hybrid of the raver-hippie-punk-goth (You know who you are. You wear fat pants, beaded bracelets and a black-studded-leather necklace with fluorescent hair and a tie-dyed tank top, sometimes topping this confused mélange off with a tiara. You play the tam-tams, listen to Marilyn Manson and shop on Mont-Royal.)
-- Porn nails (fake, French-manicured)
-- Panty lines (two cheeks, not four please)
-- Khakis (hello, forever 1995 Ivy Leaguer)
-- Fluorescent (unless they're gummies)
-- Pastel-tinted aviators with rhinestone hearts (what are you, stuck in some summer 2000 St-Laurent street sale time warp?)
-- Cowboy shirts (giddyup on outta here)
-- Bartenders who neck with their girlfriends in between serving drinks (no slobber cocktails)
-- Muscle shirts (beefcake beware)
-- Bright pink and turquoise (no Easter eggs)
-- Preppy Republican look (keep it on the yacht)
-- Those brightly coloured, gigantic girly floral prints (it's a flower power outage, dude)
-- The whole wretched colour spectrum of camouflage (especially the pukey red or orange camos)
-- Head-to-toe decade resurrectionists (from the '50s to the '90s, we're so over it)
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