This week: Eminem faggots, Reeling Studs, woman issues, Alf!

Plus: 450 dark style!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

I'm fed up of everybody talking about Montreal MCs. All these Montreal rappers, yeah, yeah, yeah, but they're all FRENCH. Nobody comes and checks the 450, man. Chomedey, Laval--that's where it's at! All these pissy people, all these record executives, all these little people in Montreal talking all that shit should come and check out Laval talent! That's where all the English MCs are--the English MCs! Not these French ones, none of who are ever gonna break out in the States because they're French. Laval's here and I'll tell you what, when we come out, we're coming out soon. So be ready. It's DARK STYLE for life. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. This goes out to Adam from the Fucknutz. I'm the man who hurt your feelings last time for calling you a poor man's Metallica. Maybe I was a little bit wrong. After reading this rant, you set me straight. But I think I know why you're not selling albums--you're called the Fucknutz! You're referring to scratching your nutsack and talking about your nutsack juice. Think about it: nutsack, Fucknutz, scratching, juice. I think if you concentrated less on your nuts and more on your music, maybe you might sell an album or two. Just a thought. [BLEEP!]

M

You know, for people who don't like these Eminem faggots at Fouf, I can understand. Somebody of my age--I'm 30--remembers the Fouf back when it was just the upstairs level and you wouldn't see no types of people that you see nowadays. The bottom line is you gotta realize that music and this city and everything else has changed since 15 years back. This city is much lamer, people are a lot more nauseating. That's the way it goes. I mean, there is no Station 10, no Foufounes Électriques, no Backstreet, no Cargo and there is no Rising Sun. And there is no Mustache, either. Music is dead, these days, and the people are intellectually and musically impaired. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this is for all the little Eminem faggots out there who think they're such hot shit. Just wondering what you're gonna do in five years when no one even remembers who Eminem is. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, I'm just calling about this chick who was bitching about Sir Winston's not serving water. I've been going there for about six years and they haven't been serving water since day one so get over it. Later. [BLEEP!]

M

My rant is for the person who got barred from Sir Winston Churchill. No great loss. It's probably a blessing in disguise. You should find someplace else that's actually fun to go to, not some GEEKHOLE from the '70s. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. This is (someone claiming to be) Billy from the Reeling Studs. I just got back from TREEPLANTING in Northern Ontario which was cut short by the OPP--all for two grams of marijuana. So they spent $5,000 dragging my ass all over Northern Ontario, all for the sake of two grams of pot. The sooner they get Harris out of that place, the better. You know, they're crazy in Ontario, that's all I gotta say, and thank God I live in Montreal. I knew I was back home when I was doing 150 over the Ile Aux Tourtes bridge and somebody passed me in the lane doing 180 and those big orange construction signs were saying 70 kilometres an hour and it was rush hour traffic, around 6 o'clock in the morning. So there you go. I'm glad to be back. See you later, Northern Ontario. [BLEEP!]

M

To the angry Asian girl: so it takes you three lines to have an opinion about someone, eh? Well, it turns out I am a sweet and respectful guy who is very aware of WOMAN ISSUES. For the record, I buy every issue of Bust magazine and I can only agree to those kinds of values, and I think Web sites like bigbadchinesemama are a powerful tool to fight retards. Now, tell me, what's wrong with having preferences, what's wrong with asking? You don't dig anal sex, fine! Some do, and it doesn't mean I expect any Asian girl to be a good obedient housewife, or to be sweet as a LOTUS FLOWER. Kimonos and chopsticks don't turn me on, but black hair and almond eyes do. Some chubby girls, too, and that's far from your typical geisha, no? Just live and let live, okay? [BLEEP!]

F

This rant is for those WEST ISLAND BITCHES who keep getting pissed at me because their boyfriends start flirting with me. Newsflash: I'm single, I don't got a man. I can flirt, man. And if they start flirting with me, hey, that's not my problem. Maybe you should be looking at why your man's trying to go elsewhere instead of attacking me. All right? Peace. [BLEEP!]

F/B>

If anyone out there has any Alf memorabilia, Alf taped shows of the TV series, please respond because I'd like to know. I'm a big Alf fan. Bye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum