Mister suck

>> Vacuum cleaner salesman brings the magic of the Electrolux to your home

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Mathew Wleklinski

Occupation: Vacuum cleaner salesman

Employer: Electrolux

Age: 48

Bio: A former chocolate bar salesman, this Dorval resident and master classical pianist first came to the world of vacuum cleaners four years ago after witnessing an Electrolux demonstration by one of the company's star sales performers. So impressed with the majesty of this household appliance, yet lacking the funds to purchase one himself, Mathew opted to join the Electrolux team with the intent of earning enough money to turn his dream into reality. Within a few months, his enthusiasm had produced so many sales that he was awarded a free vacuum cleaner through a company sales promotion. These days, not as keen as he once was and with his personal sales down considerably from those heady early years, he says he finds himself increasingly pondering a career change.

His gimmick: Mathew will come over and shampoo/vacuum your carpets at no charge in exchange for your impression of his product.

Do people ever ask him to wash their windows and do their yard work while he is at it? No.

How regularly customers treat him like he is a total piece of shit: Not too often. "They always know that I am coming over so it's not like I'm being a nuisance to them or anything."

Do restless housewives ever invite him into the bedroom and ask for a "special" demonstration of his "product"? Never.

The price of an Electrolux vacuum cleaner: $899 to $1499 for a new one; $300 for a reconditioned model.

The price of a cheap electric broom at Walmart: About $70.

How sure he is that the top-of-the-line Electrolux vacuum cleaner will get your home $1400 cleaner than a cheapo electric broom: One hundred per cent sure.

Do people ever ask him if he can shampoo their hair after he is finished with their carpets? No, but on more than one occasion he has shampooed a customer's dog with his Electrolux. "People are always impressed by how much dirt the Electrolux will clean off a dog."

Do dogs like to be cleaned with a vacuum cleaner? "They usually don't mind too much. I do it very quickly and gently just as a kind of joke. But the noise sometimes bothers them."

Something he likes to do: Mathew is an avid tennis player.

Another thing he likes to do: Walk his dog, a Lhasa Apso.

Last book read: Constantine's Sword: the Church and the Jews: a History by James Carroll

One place where he occasionally showcases his piano chops: Retirement homes. "But not too often because there isn't much demand."

Musical preferences: Chopin, Beethoven, the Beatles.

Childhood ambition: To become the prime minister of Canada or a priest.

Current ambition: "To find something that I'm really good at and try to contribute more to the world than I'm doing right now."

Philosophy: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. "

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca