Doctor Zzzzzs

>> Sleep technician helps you snooze

by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Alan Olha

Occupation: Sleep lab technician

Employer: The Royal Victoria Hospital

Salary: $50,000 per annum

Age: 48

Bio: This Montreal West heartthrob is the man to see if you haven't had a decent nap for six months and suspect you may perhaps be suffering from some sort of sleep disorder. A top-notch classical pianist who also considers himself to be a humanist, Alan will invite you to spend a night or two at the Royal Vic, hook you up to a whole bunch of tubes and wires, and have your sleeping problem figured out in no time if you're hurting. Having been in the sleep monitoring business since 1978, he claims he is still fascinated by the work and continues to be enthralled by patients suffering from particularly harsh sleep disorders.

Are people who haven't had a proper night's sleep in several months generally kind of cranky? Yes.

Is it a good idea for people having difficulty sleeping to masturbate or do the nasty before going to bed? Yes, it usually doesn't hurt.

The most common malady he deals with: Sleep apnea, by a long shot.

What sleep apnea is: When the upper airway of the lungs temporarily collapses while a person is sleeping, forcing them to wake up every 20 seconds or so in order to continue breathing and stay alive. It's a pattern that repeats itself all night and, understandably, can drive people batty. Fortunately, it's easily treated once diagnosed.

Do patients suffering from night terrors ever come in believing they have been possessed by the dark one? Yes.

Has anybody suffering from night terrors ever wet their bed from fright while sleeping at the clinic? No.

Do his patients ever simply wet their beds? Occasionally.

Do they ever have wet dreams? Alan isn't sure and is too polite to ask.

Has a sleepwalking patient ever gotten up out of their bed and tried to kill him? Not yet.

How often irritable people sleeping at the clinic complain about loud snorers in the next room: More often than Alan would like.

Has he ever fallen asleep on the job? Yes, a couple of times while on night duty.

Is it true or false that some people will go months without sleeping? Absolutely false. "It's impossible. A lot of people with insomnia have something called sleep state misperception. In other words, they are either dreaming they are awake or they are so in touch with their environment that they just assume they have been awake the whole time."

Last book read: Captain Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernières.

Some recent films he's enjoyed: Dark Days, Requiem for a Dream. "I really like dark, depressing stuff."

Childhood Ambition: To become a window washer.

Current ambition: To retire and become a blues musician.

Musical preferences: Vintage Buddy Guy, Junior Wells, Steve Earle, Lucinda Williams.

Favourite TV shows: Masterpiece Theatre, Frasier.

Words of wisdom: "It's up to you to make yourself happy but it's got to come from inside. Don't let life pass you by. Enjoy yourself, go for a drink once in awhile... but don't overdo it."