Look who's bombing

>> War is mundane in Cats & Dogs

by MATTHEW HAYS

Perhaps it might seem a stretch to hold out any hopes for a talking-animal movie in which two species full of mutual hatred, in this case felines and canines, go to war. But think about it: did you really think a movie about a talking pig would be any good? Babe certainly set the high-water mark for these kinds of films. And, after screening Cats & Dogs at a packed premiere, suffice it to say Babe remains the crown prince of talking-animal movies.

As talking-animal comedies dictate, humans populate substandard subplots and are entirely unaware of the other species' abilities to conduct themselves in human-like fashion. Thus when battle sequences occur, the minute a human walks in the room, efforts at comedy ensue as the cats and dogs assume cat- and dog-like poses. This may contain some comic punch for very young children, but for most adults, I suspect the zip went out of this sometime during the third Look Who's Talking movie.

Babe worked so beautifully precisely because it didn't underestimate its audience, something Cats & Dogs does throughout. Despite the voice talents of Alec Baldwin (as the dog Butch), Susan Sarandon (as a wise old dog) and closet case Sean Hayes (as the evil Persian cat Mr. Tinkles), Cats & Dogs merely slinks from one sight gag to the next, these poor SPCA rejects suffering through much-belaboured slapstick. Jeff Goldblum is especially pathetic in the silly-old-professor role. No doubt he's wishing he was just a voice-over and thus didn't have to actually appear in this.

Overall, too, the filmmakers have misjudged one of the principal appeals of a movie like this. The Look!-It's-real-animals-talking aura has been neatly removed. Far too often the cats are clearly not real cats, but cat dummies and computer-generated cats. Where's the fun in that? Why didn't they just make an animated film?

I'm sorry, but while I can suspend my disbelief for any number of species engaging in deep philosophical discussion, I can't really buy into their handling missile launchers, doing high kicks etc. The things filmgoers are supposed to swallow these days. Sad, but true: in the final estimate, Cats & Dogs lives up to the latter half of its title.

Cats & Dogs is now playing