This week: Foreshadow, Kralizec, Valleyfield, Boucherville!

Plus: Flush herb but don't water the sidewalk!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F

Hi. I went to that concert on the West Island for the Duckfest and saw Rubberman. Very good band, very good music, but the lead singer has absolutely NO ASS. I couldn't believe it. And he was showing it off like he had one. He's a little BEANPOLE. Holy crap. Anyways, that's all I had to say. I just like to comment on bands' bums and performance. [BLEEP!]

M

Hello dudes, my name is Patrick. I am the lead guitarist and programmer in the DEATH METAL band called Kralizec. For a long time I was the lead guitarist and singer in a trash metal band called Foreshadow, located in Valleyfield, that broke up in 1996. Anyway, I just found out that there's a band in Boucherville who stole everything from us. They took our moniker, our logo, our repertoire, our back catalogue. They took everything from us without any permission, without any approval, either from myself or any other band members. We are mentioned in their biography as the founders of the band and they just want to pick up where we left off. If they want to do a tribute band, that's fine--we had some success on the local level and played to crowds of thousands, and once I even saw our LOGO printed on a car's REAR WINDOW. But our fame was only local. And what's the point of paying tribute to a band that broke up five years ago and never sold more than 3000 albums? Besides, I wanted to keep those songs and play them live in the future, because I'm not the singer in my current band and I miss singing a lot. [BLEEP!]

F

Can somebody tell me what happened to the time when musical ability mattered more than image? What the fuck is wrong with us? [BLEEP!]

M

Hello boys and girls. This is an avid concert goer from Montreal and I have one piece of advice for bands who would like to register for the Polliwog contest in upcoming years. Before spending 50 dollars to register for that contest, just make sure about the identity of the jury and the sponsor. And I have a question for the organizers: if a band is dubbed at the last minute too heavy to win the contest, why the hell do you let them enter in the first place and take their money? Just eliminate them from the beginning and don't let them miss a day of work and take their money! [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this is a rant for the guy who was complaining about never hearing any Nine Inch Nails on Mix or CHOM. Well, obviously, dude. Check 103.7 in the afternoon. I mean, they just played Depeche Mode, now they're playing Our Lady Peace. Check it out, dude! I mean, not everything in Montreal sucks. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this rant is for all the people in Montreal who are selling weed that's not properly FLUSHED. I just wanna say, man, that I think all those people are idiots and they should flush their weed for one to two weeks at least. Otherwise, it tastes like harsh chemicals and garbage, man. Let's go, people, wake up, this is our herb. Let's start treating it properly. Let's start treating each other right. Live upright. Unite. One love. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, what's up with all these old timers on St-Urbain watering the sidewalk? That's stupid, man. They're wasting so much water. The next time you see someone do that, tell them how stupid they are [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. Yesterday night I went to Bongo park just to chill out and play my guitar, enjoy the vibe and hopefully watch the sun rise. About 2:30 in the a.m., some cops drove onto the grass right at me and told me that the park was closed. I wasn't aware that the park had hours but, according to them, you're not allowed to be in the park past midnight. Now I have a problem with that because it's a park, you know? What's the deal with that? [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. I'm a guy with long brown hair and I think that I have some of the most beautiful hair I've ever seen and I'm wondering if there's any women out there with a really good HAIR FETISH. I've never found a woman who would just sit here and brush my hair and maybe rub my head. It'd be really amazing. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F

This city is filled with so many hot guys and I've been walking downtown all day and now I'm back at home and I'm so horny and I can't even stand it! (shouting) Calling Doctor Love, come over here now and fuck my brains out! [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, I'm gay and my big turn on is those little Italian guys from St. Leonard who say "Me, I" all the time. I'm wondering, are any of them gay? And if you are, could you make a sign, like, maybe put a RAINBOW FLAG on your Honda Civic or something? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum