This week: CHOM, Bran Van, No Logo, wrinkly old men!

Plus: Mr. Bumbles has maggots in his beef dinner!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

This is for that guy who was angry 'cuz CHOM didn't play Nine Inch Nails. Well, dude, you gotta realize Montreal radio sucks. It's so CODIFIED and structured that you're never gonna hear anything with edge on the radio. And Mix 96 and CHOM are basically the same radio stations anyway. I'm listening to the Cure right now. Do you think I could get that on radio? I don't think so. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi this is to the guy who was complaining about Sixpence None the Richer on CHOM and he wanted to know if anybody listened to them. Well, I listen to Sixpence None the Richer because it's beautiful and CALMING music and it helps me de-stress. So why don't you fuck off and die, you twit! [BLEEP!]

M

This goes out to all those folks calling up the Rant Line(TM) going "this sucks" and "that scene sucks" and "this scene sucks" and "the scene used to be better" and "you suck" and "that sucks." Do you people really give a shit? Do you really walk around HURTING about the local music scene or about how it used to rock, man, but now it sucks? Do you really give a shit? Like, really? I'm just so fucking curious. Thanks. Oh, peace out. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, I have a rant. Music is really an essential part of my life and I really like a lot of stuff--even stuff that comes out of Montreal. We have so many different kind of scenes and I really like all the groups you hear about. But about Bran Van 3000--even though I really like what I've heard by them, I still think they've got to be the most overhyped product ever. The first album had two singles and now they've got a third single from their second album, but this is, like, three songs that they put out in five years. I don't understand why everyone is, like, "Ooh, the hip Montreal supergroup." Why are they getting this much hype when they've only had three singles? I don't know, I feel bad saying this, but I just think that they must be NETWORKING really well. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, this is for all the hos looking for sugar daddies. Why not get a job or an education and support your own cheap asses? When old men hit on me and offer to buy me shit, I tell them to go fuck themselves. Some guys think they can buy women because of weak females like you assholes. I hope you all find WRINKLY old men who literally drool on you. And I hope your breast implants pop. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey this is for the genius advising on older sugar daddies. Well, duh, the girl didn't say she wanted a SUGAR BROTHER for the prom. And forget battling short little Italian guys from the East End. Go for white-haired distinguished types from the West End who can order wine in languages you don't speak. Now that's a sugar daddy. I have to go now. Claude is here. [BLEEP!]

F

I've got this cat named Mr. Bumbles and for the past few days, he hasn't been eating his beef dinner, he's been poking it around on his plate. When I went to clean it up today I realized it was because there was a big hunk of MAGGOTS sitting in the middle the beef dinner. So I just want to say to all the people out there who feed their cat Friskies, don't do it! They will pollute your cat with worms and it's really, really disgusting. [BLEEP!]

F

Well, lately, I have been noticing more and more of these ridiculous No Logo stickers on metros. The people who put them there are some dumb fucks! They boycott logos, but they put stupid No Logo signs on metro ads--by doing that, they've done their own logo, the No Logo. Therefore, the No Logo stickers became the logo of the "I don't like logos" idiots. Don't they contradict themselves? [BLEEP!]

F

This is to the girl who wants to be gay because there's no good looking guys out there. First of all, you can't just turn gay. You're born gay. And second of all, I think you just need to get laid. Later. [BLEEP!]

F

Hello. This message goes out to the guy who yelled out at me when I was walking up St-Laurent on Saturday night: "Keep eating your sandwich, fatso." I would just like to say I'm a very smart, beautiful, caring, funny woman who doesn't have to be stick-thin to get around in this world. And I will keep eating my sandwich 'cuz you're an idiot and I don't need your approval and I'll get along just fine being just the way I am. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. I'm the guy who made the rant about the gang bang a couple of weeks ago and now everyone's running around saying I did the damn jerk-off club rant. But I'm not some sicko, jerk-off club guy! There's a big difference between gang bangs and jerk-offs! Whoever's calling the Rant Line(TM) should know the difference. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum