This week: CHOM, Everyman, Claude, Obsessive-Compulsive Fag!

Plus: Asian girls are NOT easy!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F

Hey, this is for the guy who was bitching about bands calling the Rant Line(TM). Well, sometimes there is no other way to advertize. I got chased by the cops last year for putting up posters. So, yeah, come see (sounds like) Groove Prophecy. We'll all be NAKED [BLEEP!]

M

Isn't it ironic that you have Korn with a 'K'? Korn is the anti-pop--but what about popcorn? [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, I called CHOM asking them if they would play some Nine Inch Nails and they responded by saying, "We don't play Nine Inch Nails." Then I said, "I thought you were a rock station" and they said, "We are." Then I said, "Like what? Why do you play Sixpence None the Richer if you're a rock station?" And they went, "Well, a lot of people like to hear Sixpence None the Richer." Now, I wanna know, who the hell in Montreal actually listens to Sixpence None the Richer and who is requesting it on CHOM? I'd like to know who this is so I can start FIRING stuff. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey y'all, this is Chevo. I was over at Mélange Magique last week and I was checking out these candles--they're called Unity candles. For $1.95 you light them every Monday 9 p.m. and you focus on joy, love, peace and happiness in the world among men and women. I thought it was kind of great. I mean, if everybody in Montreal or in Canada was to light this candle or any candle at 9 o'clock and focus on world peace, can you imagine how beautiful this city and this country and this world would be? Think about it. [BLEEP!]

M

Beware of the evil forces of the Claude. Claude is upon you. Claude will conquer the world. Claude for president. Submit to Claude now. Claude is the master. Claude is the king. You will submit now or later you will (shouting demonically) DIE! [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the sadly disillusioned, really bitter and fucked-in-the-head person. Go to the park, listen to the kids. Go to the hospital, listen to the old people dying. Go see a young punk rock band spilling their guts out for you on stage. That's where it's at. That's art in the living. No sales pitch. [BLEEP!]

F

In response to Cat the Asian Girl, I'm horrified at the way you're representing Asian girls in Montreal. You make it sound as if we're all easy and if we're treated like a lady, we'll just sleep with whoever does that. I actually happen to be HIGH MAINTENANCE and in response to French Boy from Montreal, the only reason you haven't found a girl is because we tend to weed out pathetic trash. [BLEEP!]

M

Hello, this is Everyman and I have a little problem. I went to Winnie's last week, on Wednesday, and I was treated to a scene of approximately four to five girls who were grinding into each other, making out and, basically, teasing every single guy in the bar. My problem is this--when approached by any of the guys in the bar, the girls were automatically as cold and as bitchy as humanly possible. Why do women seem to find such INSANE pleasure in getting every male's rocks hard, but the instant that the guy wants to make do on something, he's cut off? I find this extremely unfair. It's not right! Ladies, if you actually want a guy who respects you and treats you well, then maybe you should pay attention once in awhile. If not, all you're gonna do is get herpes from some fuckhead who's going to treat you like shit. Later. [BLEEP!]

F

I'm just calling to say that Montreal seems to have more good-looking chicks than guys and I'm seriously thinking of becoming a LESBIAN because of that. Everywhere I go there's good looking-chicks and all the good-looking guys are taken. I think I'm gonna become a lesbian. [BLEEP!]

M

This is the 31-year-old Obsessive-Compulsive Fag and I notice you have a lot of talk about saunas and bath houses in Montreal, which I frequent quite often. But why is it I'm always stepping in cum and shit? Is it just me noticing it, because I'm obsessive-compulsive, or do others have this same problem? Anyway, take care. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi, this is a message to all the girls who are looking for SUGAR DADDIES. I know you all probably already know this but I'm sharing my recently found experience. Y'all want to forget the guys under 30. Don't let nobody under 30 in your bed! Let me tell you honeys, forget the 18 to 24 year olds with ABS that you can eat off of who think they're good in bed. Nooooo! Go get yourself a short little Italian guy from the East End who talks in your ear in languages that you don't speak. Oh, honey, forget the young boys, keep the men over 30. That's what you want in a sugar daddy. Get them over 40, too. They're REALLY GOOD then. Trust me. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum