This week: Skate culture, glory holes, courier porn!

Plus: World declared giant time bomb!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Hey! This is a message for all Montreal punks. Your presence is requested at Bar St-Laurent this Saturday May 19 for the Fighting Crime, District 7 and One Shot Left show. Sweet fucking punk bands! Guys, you're not gonna want to miss this. Later. [BLEEP!]

M

Boy! It's amazing the way some of the bands in this city come up with their PUBLICITY. They must spend hours and hours and hours thinking of ways to promote themselves. 'Let's call the Rant Line(TM)! That won't cost anything! And, hey, let's say that one of our members is naked on the Net! The Mirror NEVER prints anything about sex.' Great work, you guys are really gonna go far. [BLEEP!]

F

What the hell is up with all those little skate punks going around pretending like they're the biggest hot shit on the face of the planet? Okay, I went to an Oi show about two weeks ago and there were about 20 of them, just sitting there, and they didn't even understand what they were there for. They didn't understand the whole CULTURAL BACKGROUND of it. I'm just calling to say that those people are fucking gay. [BLEEP!]

M

With regard to the local music scene--everybody has to go out and educate themselves instead of spending so much time at the RockQuest in Pointe Claire. Go check out the Rhythm Mercenaries. That's the Montreal music scene and it kicks ass. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F

Candy raver! Bah! PLUR! Bah! Can't everyone in this city just get off the drugs? You're boring me to death. [BLEEP!]

F

In reply to the girl who was going on about old time hip hop: get one thing straight about yourself--you're retarded. Hip hop has NOT always been about bitches and hos and niggers and pimps. It was, and still is, about verbal battles, storytelling, protest, good beats and having fun. People reflecting their environment in their rhymes. Those environments were in fact ghettos and that's okay, that's authentic rap. Old, old, old hip hop--what's that to you? Wu Tang, NWA, Eminem? Who's your idol--Kid Rock? Puff Daddy? Maybe you think rap is all about bitches and hos because somehow that justifies your existence as a cheap slut. Who said anything about hip hop being POSITIVE? I'm positive that you can't read. I'm positive that you haven't heard much old school or you wouldn't make such an ignorant statement. I'm positive that you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. The music I was complaining about is the creation of the so-called gangsta environment commercial market for people like yourself. Clueless reality--where the fuck are you from? Compton with your AK packed in your G string? [BLEEP!]

M

Hi, this is for the guy last week who was talking about the lack of jerk-off clubs in Montreal. Basically, there are jerk-off clubs here. They're called SAUNAS. [BLEEP!]

M

So where the heck are these GLORY HOLES everybody's been raving about? [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, this goes out to the guy in NDG who rides around on his bike sneaking into office buildings only to run out after dropping off a sealed envelope which inside contains PORN. And then running out of the office and scurrying off on his bike. Buddy, there are better ways to get your rocks off. You're lucky I don't have a job 'cuz if you tried that in my office, I'd run after you and shove your bike up your ass. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi, this is Cat the Asian Girl in reply to French Boy from Montreal. All I want to say is it does not take a lot to go out with an Asian girl. All you have to do is treat her like a lady and she'll show you a good time. All right? Have a nice day. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this is Black Arrow 316. This is about the guy complaining about the people killing themselves in the metro. What kind of inconsiderate shit is that? I mean, you talk about people delaying you from going to work or whatever the hell? You're talking about people who are dying here, man! Are you fucking crazy or something? Fucking human being, man. It's people like you, man. It's people like fucking you. [BLEEP!]

M

Me, I'm glad when these people jump themselves into the metro. That way we don't have to keep supporting them on welfare that comes out of my taxes. Let them die, problem solved. [BLEEP!]

F

I have been sadly disillusioned today. Everything on this over-populated planet has been EXPLOITED and sold and fucked and sucked. I fear that there's nothing new in this age of Internet and advertising and cellphones. How can art exist in a world that just takes ideas and totally uses them and abuses them and throws them away? I haven't read, heard or seen anything with any SPARK or any fire. I think the world has become one giant TIME BOMB and we're either going to have a revolution or we're all just going to self destruct. Maybe I'm just really bitter and fucked in the head. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum