This week: Sugar daddies, suicide, bathroom sex, the Dome!

Chloë from Da Bloody Gashes exposed!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F

This is to the person who commented on us exclusive CANDY ravers. We go for the spirit, the people, the PLUR, the music. You go with your meat-market mentalities to get it on with your huge ORGIES all night. We're trying to protect something we find sacred against people who come to exploit and destroy it. Here's my idea--you stick to your Rage and your 514 parties and we stick to our small underground parties. That's a good idea. [BLEEP!]

M

I'm just surfing around on the Internet and I'm checking out my porn sites and I just saw Chloë from Da Bloody Gashes, using the name Kitten, on this Web site called www.livecamnetwork.com. I also found out that she's playing Jailhouse on Thursday. What the fuck? Is she a porn star? Is she a rock star? What is she up to? Later. [BLEEP!]

F

Man, I'm sick of NEGATIVE people. All some girl did was call in and ask where she can get breakdancing lessons and some other fucking girl has to call back and be all negative and say that (puts on dumb voice) 'Everyone who teaches breakdancing in this city sucks.' As if she knows! How many people has she taken classes from? Maybe three, four, max? Plus, she mentions "the original styles from New York." Girl's gotta check out what she's talking about because everybody knows that the best breakers in the world don't come from New York anymore, they come from all over the place! She's wack. Man, now I'm dissing people. I hate that. Negativity's evil. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi. I'm calling in response to that 19-year-old girl who's looking for a SUGAR DADDY. Well, you've got to use your head when you're looking for rich men. This is serious business. The Grand Prix is coming up in June, you got your chance right there. Young, good-looking rich men are gonna be in town for this world event. Go down to Sir Winston Churchill, go down to the Old Port, go to Pub St-Jacques, go to some nice restaurants. You got to spend some serious time. You have to INVEST a lot. You gotta get some nice clothes, you gotta work your ass off, man. After that you're gonna get a sugar daddy and life's gonna be great! That's it. [BLEEP!]

F

Okay, I'm the chick who started the whole fingers-up-the-skirt-hitting-guy thing and this is in response to the girlfriend getting back to me. Well, it was at the Dome, me too, where this happened. So I don't know, maybe it's something that goes on only at the Dome. I don't know if the guy's a regular or anything, but I guess keep your ASS ON CHECK at the Dome. Later. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, to the two club girls who had experiences with guys sticking their fingers up their asses on the dance floor. Do you ever take a minute to think that maybe they're just trying to pull out the big fucking STICK that's lodged up there? Fucking tight-assed club skanks. [BLEEP!]

M

Squeegees? You know what I would do if I saw a squeegee? I'd let him wash my window and then I'd give him a tube of modelling GLUE. (snide laughter) Maybe a bar of soap. [BLEEP!]

M

Hello, it's French Boy from Montreal. I was just wondering what the hell does it take to go out with an Asian girl? I've noticed that here in town they're only going out with tall, English geeks and that pisses me off. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. I'm ranting. How come in Montreal there are no JERK-OFF CLUBS? You go anywhere in the States--California, New York--there are clubs where people show up and jerk off, you know, and have other people watch them. Men-women, women-men, men-men, women-women--all that kind of stuff. Safe sex and all. So why don't we have some clubs like that here? [BLEEP!]

M

Yes, there is a system to BATHROOM SEX. I've had sex everywhere, in the bathrooms of office towers and schools, McGill, Concordia, Dawson--everywhere. All you've got to do is sit there and, like, TWIGGLE your toes a little and give a little reaction showing that you're actually masturbating. If you notice the person doing it next to you, too, then nudge your foot towards them. They'll nudge theirs towards you and slowly you'll be touching and then WOW! You're off! And then all of a sudden, you'll be surrounded by a bunch of guys and they'll all be going "Guys! Yeah! A GUY A GUY A GAIA!" Thanks. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F

This rant is to any stupid SUICIDAL fucker who's planning on jumping in front of a metro any time soon. Okay, listen--it's very selfish and INCONSIDERATE to other passengers. Today I waited two-and-a-half long hours to get home from downtown because some asshole jumped in front of the subway train. So, listen, people, find a more creative way to commit suicide, okay? Put a gun to your head, eat some pills, jump off a bridge--anything!--but no more in front of metros. Do you understand? (sighs exasperatedly) You people suck. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum