The new Ms. Manners

>> The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum offers etiquette for urbanites

by JULIET WATERS

There must be Mirror readers who ask but never think to write us with the obvious question, "Who does Sasha ask for advice?" Kim Izzo, for one. Izzo co-writes the Urban Decorum column for The Globe & Mail with best friend Ceri Marsh, who is also co-author of The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum.

Having watched Breakfast at Tiffany's with Sasha--I for the third time, she for the 107th--their friendship does not surprise me. Izzo gets the same look in her eyes when she talks about Audrey Hepburn. "She defines all those qualities that were wonderful. She was really subtle. But she was also witty and stylish. And she was also a humanitarian, if you look at the actual woman and not just the character."

While she describes the proto-fabulous girl, I am dropping a dollop of oily roasted red pepper dip from a floppy piece of pita onto the lap of my favourite beige pants. Sadly, there is nothing in the FG's Guide about how to get through the rest of the afternoon with an absolutely not fabulous stain. But there's smart, fun advice on other stuff.

Big boss sex for instance, in this post-Monica Lewinsky era: "There is one pervasive myth about the workplace that needs to be dispelled: never sleep with your boss. This is propagated by people who have never known the pleasures of such an exciting affair... The risk of big boss sex is not in your career: the danger lies in what your colleagues will think..."

First-night sex protocol: "Just as you wouldn't dream of meeting someone without saying hello, so too should you say hello in the bedroom introduction. That's right, we mean oral sex, so get down there and say a quick but friendly hello to everyone involved. It needn't be a lengthy discourse just 'Hello, it's wonderful to meet you.' And you absolutely should expect a reciprocal hello from the new lover. Not only does the absence of this nicety reflect a lack of manners on his part, it may bode poorly for your sexual future with him."

And morning-after protocol. "It's very rude to be squeamish about sharing your toothbrushes with someone you've slept with. And it's better than showing off your extensive collection of brand new ones kept for this purpose."

There's advice on dating, the workplace, grooming, road rage, chapsticks (gay male friends), ex-sex and fair-weather friends. Interwoven between these and other subjects are the fictional exploits of the FG and her pals Elenor, Missy and their beaux, Bingo, Felix and Groovy Guy (an independent filmmaker who FG moves in with but sadly must leave when he becomes a hopeless leech after funding falls through).

It's worth noting that, in person, Izzo sounds nothing like a private girl's school teacher in the prime of her life. She's never met anyone named Bingo or Felix. And she thinks it's fine to break the rules when appropriate. "If someone's really an asshole you don't have to share your toothbrush."

The mostly tongue-in-cheek voice In The FG's Guide has been cultivated by perusing a friend's collection of vintage etiquette books. "We found they were so much more pithy than the books we have today... There was advice on 'How to behave when you go to an artist's studio.' Or 'How to greet your friends on horseback.'"

In these days of Bridget Jones we'd all like to be loved for who we are but, to its credit, The FG Guide is less about how to get treated well, than how to treat others well. "The number 1 rule," says Izzo, "is never be rude to the rude person. The only way we could actually criticize is if we made ourselves experts." Writing a book is one polite way of telling people how to behave. Secretly sending them the book might be another.

The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum by Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh, DoubleDay, pb, 300pp, $19.95