This week: Fry That Boot, dancing at the Dome, gang-bang etiquette!

Plus: Gaia, the goddess of earth!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M (with heavy Swedish accent)

This is a message to the one who was ranting about Vikings. The Vikings and Norse pride live very, very well here in North America. As you know, we were the first non-Asians who came to North America. If you want to listen to Viking music, get the address to the Swedish Museum of History in Stockholm, Sweden from the Swedish consulate here in Montreal. They have something called Ancient Nordic Tunes recorded in Stockholm and they have it on CDs and records. So long and keep up the Viking pride. [BLEEP!]

M

I couldn't believe it. I was down at the HMV and who should be there but Lee Aaron and what was she playing? Jazz. My goodness. Nonetheless, I must say the effect was quite pleasing and the hooker-chic look not bad at all. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, I was at the Jailhouse on Friday checking out some crazy bands--Johnny Sizzle and Jab, I think, and Fry That Boot--and, man, what an awesome show! Fry That Boot was so wicked, so tight and they're all so cute and funny and it's just the punk band that Montreal has been dying for. [BLEEP!]

F

To the girl who got pissed off 'cuz the ugly guy put his hand up her skirt. The same thing happened to me at the Dome--I only went because my cousin paid for the damned tickets. So I go to the Dome and I get my fucking groove on--they actually play some good tunes--and I'm dancing and this guy tried to shove his FINGERS up my ass. My fucking ass! I turn around, I hit him and he looks at me like 'Oh, are you stupid?' Like, really, guys, what do you do on the dance floor? I thought the dance floor was to dance, hence the word 'dance floor.' Fucking fingers up peoples' asses?! [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, this is for the chick who said she got hit by a guy in a club last week. What club was it? Do you have any idea if he's a regular or anything like that? 'Cuz if you do, we'll get him. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

F

For the girl who wants to know where she can get BREAKDANCING LESSONS for beginners. What I recommend is that go on the Internet and order videos. They'll last longer and you'll only have to pay for them once and then watch them over and over again. Plus, you want to learn from people who actually know what they're doing. Most of the people who offer lessons in this city suck. So just order videos and that way you can learn original styles from New York and places like that. You don't want to learn from the people here. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah for the guy who gives windshield washer fluid to the squeegee punks. Why don't you give them something they can use? I gave the guy some NYLON TIE WRAPS the other day, some of those black paper clip things and the guy said he could fix his pants. I mean, money's one thing and windshield washer fluid's something else but think, think. These guys probably don't got stuff that you got just hanging around the house. Put your shit in a little bag and when you're at the light, throw it to them. These guys'll be happy, man, believe me. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi. I'm a good-looking 19 year old and I'm wondering where I can find a SUGAR DADDY. Thank you. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, apparently there is a SYSTEM at the Concordia Hall Building, where on the 8th floor gay men go to have sex. I've gone there a few times and there are men in the stalls but I don't know what the system is. Like, what do I have to do to get in the stall--is it three knocks or something? If anybody knows, I'd really appreciate it. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. I just moved to Montreal and the great thing about this city is that you can make reservations for GANG BANGS. I mean, where I come from, you go out, you show up at the gang bang and you'll be, like, 'One spot, please' and they'll be, like, 'That's a hour and a half wait' and you'll be, like, 'Christ.' But here you can make reservations. Cool. You just call ahead. [BLEEP!]

F

This goes out all to the Rant Line(TM) readers. Like, on Earth Day I had this crazy dream, man. Like, Gaia the goddess of the earth came into me and filled my being with her love and gave me an orgasm, right? So I was dreaming about this and I started coming. So, like, then all these guys were coming and they were surrounding me and telling me and chanting, "Gaia, Gaia, Gaia." And, like, I was giving my best friend head, right, and he just came for, like, a sleepover, you know, and, like, I was wondering if this ever happened to anyone else. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum