BOMontrealers
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Montrealer closest to sainthood
1. Father Emmett Johns (Pops)
2. Felipe Alou
3. Leonard Cohen
4. Pierre Trudeau
Dear old Pops, guardian angel of streetkid organization Dans la Rue, leads our list once more, and we couldn't agree with our readers more. And telling by the massive outpouring of emotion when Trudeau died this past year, the man might just get made an official saint.
Honourable mentions: Audrey Best * Brent Tyler * Dinu Bumbaru * Domenic Castelli * Dr. David McGillivray * Jean Leloup * Marc "Boris" St-Maurice * Oscar Peterson * Paul Cliche * Phillipe Duhamel * Phyllis Lambert * Pigeon Lady * Raêl * Maurice "Rocket" Richard * Sid Stevens (Sun Youth) * The lady in Ville-St-Pierre who looks after homeless cats * The man who does maintenance on the cross on top of the mountain * The old baker from Café Toman (RIP) * The old lady who feeds birds and lets homeless people into her home * William Shatner
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Montrealer closest to hell
1. Mayor Pierre Bourque
2. Davey Hilton
3. Dugmor
4. Yves Michaud
5. Bernard Landry
Apparently the past 12 months have provided a high acrimony quotient, because there are several brand-new names on our list, among them boxer and convicted child molester Davey Hilton, controversial politician Yves Michaud (L'Affair Michaud led fairly directly to Bouchard's resignation), porn mogul Dugmor and Bernard Landry (our very, very grumpy new Premier).
Honourable mentions: Anti-graffiti squads * Any expensive car owner * Rob Braide * Bruno Pelletier * Celine Dion * Cops * Domenic Castelli * George Gillette * Maurice "Mom" Boucher * Jacques Parizeau * Pierre Falardeau * Raël * The Reviewers-at-Large * William Shatner
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Most desirable man
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1. Danny Smith
2. David Usher
3. Leonard Cohen
4. Rufus Wainwright
5. Jean Leloup
Honourable mentions: Any Montrealer who's not a wigger or a prep * Anyone with a good coke hook-up * Carlos Correal * Dennis Trudeau * Great Antonio * James DiSalvio * Johnny Jackoff * Jonas (Rubberman) * Liam from Mishima * Pierre Trudeau * Plastik Patrik * Raymond (Dibondoko) * Roy Dupuis * Spoonman * Tiga * Vladimir Guerrero
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Hollywood or bust
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Big Wolf wisecracker Danny Smith avoids men in tights
by GEORGE MADDUX
Except for the black dye putting the lie in his naturally blond hair, Danny Smith, 24, says he's not all that different from Merton Dingle, the werewolf's wisecracking best friend he's portrayed for three years in the locally produced teen TV show Big Wolf on Campus. "It's not too hard to play because the character's sense of humour is my own," says the Beaconsfield native who grew up near Toronto. "I get to act like a big goof and they pay me for it. It's the best job in the world."
Smith's earliest thespian inclinations started through class-clownery and high school plays, which eventually resulted in an invition to join a prestigious New York acting academy. But Smith, who admits to being a big Jerry Lewis fan, chose not to go. "There were guys running around in tights in the hallway," he explains from his bed during a pause in a game of Scrabble with his girlfriend in his Westmount apartment. Smith instead enrolled in Toronto's Second City troupe, where his over-the-top zaniness landed him the role of the annoying video clerk in John Woo's The Big Hit. He was also invited to audition for the cast of Saturday Night Live. "It was insanely nerve-wracking."
Smith eventually sees himself in Los Angeles but not before filming a new batch of Big Wolf episodes in a studio near the Orange Julep, where he will spend "seven months, 14 hours a day, seven days a week." In spite of being the focus of much lusty teen longing as evidenced on various Web sites, Smith denies he's teen idol material. "I don't think I'm a sex symbol. If I am, that's scary. Although I have gotten some interesting photos in the mail." *
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Most desirable woman
1. Melissa Auf der Maur
2. Mitsou
3. Mutsumi Takahashi
4. Jamie Orchard
5. Jessica Paré
Montreal's sexiest women rock! They read the news on TV! They act in movies! Readers responded with gusto to this category, acknowledging that certain je ne sais quoi thing that the city's chicks undeniably have happening.
Honourable mentions: All of 'em * Anna from Gogo Lounge * Bonnie Z. (Jaffa) * Cafeteria waitresses * Carol Cox * Cathy from La Cabane * Chloe Lum (Da Bloody Gashes) * Elizabeth Bromstein * Elsa Bangz * Erin Selby * Genevieve Borne * Gisèle Quiniou on Météo-Média * Heather Hiscox * Helen Fotopoulos * Playboy twins from John Abbott * Rhyna Thompson (Parkside Jones) * Sasha * Susan from Brutopia * Louise Lecavalier (La La La Human Steps) * That girl from the 7UP ad who works at Winnie's * Tracy McKee
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Best Montreal weirdo
1. Matt at Brutopia
2. Dugmor
3. Spoonman
4. Bourque
5. The Great Antonio
Honourable mentions: Three-wheel-bike dog-cat guy * Accordion player on Ste-Catherine W. * Arab guy screaming on Ste-Catherine W. * Bag man on Parc * Bike Guy in Mile-End * Buggy G * Captain Fantastic from NDG * Dread guy * Guru of All Gods * Harmonica Lady * Horoscope Girl * Jake Brown * John Jordan * Mado Lamotte * Religious guy at Phillips Square * Skirt man * Stilts guy * That guy who walks very slow * That woman with the umbrella and the star-spangled-banner/union-jack get-up * The "I Will Survive" guy in the metro * The "It's for alcohol, I swear" guy * The fat guy dressed like a Japanese geisha who goes to the Bifteck * The guy at Cock 'n' Bull who wants to fight the air * The guy who always stands still and looks at the ground * The guy who asks for change but doesn't wait to collect * The guy who hits his head on the corner of Mansfield and St-Charles * The guy with the long dreadlock in the metro stations selling pictures of himself * The lady in pigeon park * The old bearded Amerindian with a loincloth and a powerstick at the Mount Royal tam tams * The running man * The screaming lady * The guy in the sparkly top at all the glam shows * Toothless stalker
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Tackiest personality
1. Jo Jo Savard
2. Elizabeth Bromstein
3. Celine Dion
4. Mayor Pierre Bourque
5. Mado Lamotte
6. Tasso
What would our fair city be without kétaine? Bleach-blond psychics, sassy columnists, syrupy singers and a stinking rotten mayor all add up to make our lives culturally richer. No, really, it's true. Anyway, even if you don't believe us, where would all us really tasteful people be if there weren't some tackoids around to make us feel superior?
Honourable mentions: Aaron * All MusiquePlus VJs * André & Nat * Anne-Marie Losique * Anyone from Toronto who lives in the Plateau * Anyone on CJAD * Anyone on Global * Anyone who goes to Angel's * Brian Mulroney * Brian Wilde * Captain Fantastic * Davey Hilton * Dennis Trudeau * Dugmor! * Ena * Evan Joanes * Francine Grimaldi * Howard Galganov * Jamie Orchard * Bernard Landry * Leslie Roberts * Leta Polson * Madame Simone * Mitsou * Mix 96 crew * Plastik Patrik * Rochelle Lash * Sonia Benezra * Terry di Monte * Wiggers * Xavier Caféïne
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Best politician
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1. Marc "Boris" St-Maurice
2. Paul Cliche
3. Jean Charest
4. Lucien Bouchard
5. Helen Fotopoulos
Honourable mentions: Jean Chrétien * Clifford Lincoln * Helen Fotopoulos * Gerry Weiner * Irwin Cottler * Jean Doré * Jeremy Searle * KILL 'EM ALL! * Bernard Landry * Mario Dumont * Martin Rotrand * Mayor Trent * Michel Prescott * Peter Yeomans * Pierre Trudeau * Russ Williams * Saulie Zaidel * Stéphane Dion * The few who think outside the box * The Red Herring Party * They're all liars * Vera Danyluk * You're joking, right? * None
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Enter stage Left
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Paul Cliche thumbs his nose at PQ neo-liberalism
by GEORGE MADDUX
Paul Cliche belts out a big, slow-developing triumphant belly laugh when told that Montrealers have voted him their favourite politician. Hard to believe that just weeks ago few knew of the Independent politician who eventually came in a respectable third in the recent Mercier by-election. Yet Cliche, 65, has held such high-profile positions as political columnist and news editor at La Presse and early MCM city councillor. Cliche's by-election result was considered a triumph for parties of the Left who, as an experiment, agreed to support his candidacy. Separately, those parties usually score a tiny fraction of the vote, but united around Cliche the movement scored a not-to-be-sneered-at 24 per cent of the Mercier vote. He considers it a wake-up call against the neo-liberal turn of the Parti Québécois, whose former stranglehold on the district started when Cliche convinced his friend Gérald Godin to run against Robert Bourassa in 1976.
Although he remains a French-first sovereignist, Cliche says his love affair with the PQ is over. "They're going to have to forget their neo-liberalism and truly attack poverty," he says, while dismissing the PQ's much-discussed social commitment as "political marketing." Cliche won't say whether he's willing to lead a new provincial coalition party of the Left, but the possibility will be discussed at a special meeting on May 12. What's clear is that his reformist flame still burns. "Whether it's Charest or Landry, the Premier will be a an elected monarch. He has that kind of power with party discipline--forcing ministers to take the vow of silence." And Cliche believes globalization will have unexpected benefits. "It'll be a catalyst, by starting a chemical reaction that make the elements crystallize and the crystallization of political renewal will be aimed at uncontrolled globalization. And it's the young people who will be pushing this renewal forward."
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Political gaffe of the year
1. "One Island, One City"
2. Bernard Landry's "red rag" comment
3. The mess surrounding the Summit of the Americas
4. Bourque's megacity petition
5. Yves Michaud scandal
Honourable mentions: Anything to do with Jean Chrétien * Bouchard stepping down * Failing to help the Expos build a new stadium * Heating cheque rebates * Liberal victory in federal elections * Libre Exchange * Making motorized skateboards illegal * "Ontario has no culture" * PQ in Mercier * Raymond Lavigne not showing up to his own debate in Verdun * Selecting Gerald Tremblay behind closed doors * Shawini... aw, who gives a shit? * Stockwell Day * Too many
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Best political/social cause
1. Against the FTAA
2. Legalization of marijuana
3. Ending poverty/homelessness
4. Anti-amalgamation
5. AIDS care and research
Honourable mentions: Against child abuse * Anarchy * Anti-globalization * Anti-police-brutality * Any attempts to save injured, homeless or abused animals * BBCM * Biking in the city * Bloodsisters * Canadian Alliance party * Cancer * Cat Shelters * Centraide * Cheap Housing * Coalition for tobacco control * Compassion Club * Dans la rue * Écologie * Enviromentalism * Filling potholes * Free Trade * G20 * Glue-sniffing natives * Getting drinking hours extended to 4 a.m. * Helping your fellow man * Heritage Montreal * Lakeshore Duck Race * Laws to get rid of bikers, organized crime * Legalizing prostitution * Liberate Palestine * MAI busters * Native rights * Parti Populaire des Putes * Paul Cliche * People's potato * Picking up the trash in parks * Pie-ing politicians * Rape crisis/battered woman shelters * Recycling * Redistribution of wealth * Reducing STCUM costs for students, regardless of age * Same-sex marriages * Student strike over education cuts * Sun Youth * Urban Animal Advocates
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Best replacement mayor
1. Anyone
2. Vera Danyluk
3. Marc "Boris" St-Maurice
4. Peter Yeomans
5. Youppi
Honourable mentions: A brick would do a better job * A jar of peanuts * A potato * A woman, for God's sake * Bouncer from Unity * Bozo the clown * Claude Rajotte * DKD * Don McGowan * Elsie Martins * Guy Lafleur * Helen Fotopoulos * Hymie (Beauty's) * "Mad Dog" Vachon * Mrs. Warshaw of Warshaw's on the Main * Peter Trent * Phillipe Duhamel * Sasha * Stumpy
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Best dressed Montrealer
1. Rufus Wainwright
2. Dugmor
3. David Usher
4. Mark Harris
5. Giulio Pampena
6. Phillipe Dubuc
Honourable mentions: Any girl on Crescent * Claude Rajotte * David Solway * Dennis Trudeau * Elsie Martins * Everyone except Laval residents * François Bazinet * Jason Stiner * John Moore * Lee Lee & Rico from Lipstick * Leonard Cohen * Leslie Roberts * Most of us * My 80-year-old neighbour * Pierre Trudeau * Rob Braide * Sexy ladies on St-Laurent * Squeegies * Streetwalkers on Ontario * T'Cha Dunlevy * The drummer from MFO * Vladimir Guererro * Yasmine Wasfy * Yso * Ziad Touma
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Best sports personality
1. Vladimir Guerrero
2. Felipe Alou
3. Bruni Surin
4. Mitch Melnick
5. Red Fisher
6. Guy Lafleur
Honourable mentions: Anne Montmigny * Anthony Calvillo * Dave Van Horne * Dick Irving * Elliot Price * Frank Calvilero * Hercules Kyuclos * Jack Todd before he did that "Nameless Dread" shit * Jailhouse All-stars * Jean-Luc Brassard * Jeff Hackett * Mario Lemieux * Maurice Richard * Michel Bergeron * Mike Farber * Randy Tieman * Roger Brullotte * Ron Reusch * Saku Koivu * Tim Raines
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Best local newscast
1. Pulse (CFCF-12)
2. Global News
3. CBC Newswatch
Readers seem to have been a tad confused here, seeing as Newswatch doesn't even exist anymore. The show has been replaced with a 6p.m. part-national, part-local newscast.
Honourable mentions: CJAD * Daybreak with Dave Bronstetter (CBC) * Interfax (MusiquePlus) * LCN * Marc Kelly (CBC) * TQS
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Best talking head
1. Leslie Roberts
2. Bill Hoagland
3. Mutsumi Takahashi
4. Dennis Trudeau
Tracey McKee, perky cohost of Global's morning show, debuts as an honourable mention in this category.
Honourable mentions: Andrew Peplowski * Charles Taylor * Danny (CIXS) * David Byrne * Elsie Martins * Hubert Bauch * Jamie Orchard * Jean Charest * Jean-Luc Mongrain * Tracey McKee
