This week: Da Bloody Gashes, Pigeon-Hole, Vikings, Virginia Slims!

Plus: Six hot girls drunk on Sangria!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Yeah I was at Da Bloody Gashes show the other night and I was just calling to say that it's nice to see people with Down's syndrome playing shows around Montreal. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

I'm calling to bitch about those tight-ass exclusionist candy ravers. What, just because I don't have 10 pounds of BEADS and body paint on me, I can't have fun? Whatever happened to peace, love, beauty and respect? Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this is a message for Pigeon-Hole, who obviously do their own postering. If I catch you covering mine or any other band's posters again, I'm going to kick your ass. [BLEEP!]

F

I was wondering if anybody could let me know where I could find some cheap breakdancing lessons for beginners? Really cheap and really for beginners, 'cuz I suck. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M

Every week I read the same shit in the Rant Line--it's always music in Montreal and people's sex problems and clothes and whatever else. What about the goddamn VIKINGS, huh? There's never anything about Vikings. What happened to good old fashioned civic pride and Norse pride, goddamit? [BLEEP!]

M

I've got something really important to say in response to that woman who referred to Steven Page of the Barenaked Ladies as fat. That really tells us what kind of a bad society we're in. I mean, this guy is not fat! He might be a little bit OVERWEIGHT, but I certainly wouldn't call him fat. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, this is to those two girls who think that good-looking guys downtown are going out with ugly skanks--where are these hot guys? What street corner? Let me know. Okay, thanks, bye. [BLEEP!]

F

I'm calling about the ugly skanks. You two girls are not wrong, they are everywhere. And you know what? They stink like fish. As for the good- looking guys who go out with them, well, maybe they all have small penises or maybe they're VIRGINIA SLIMS, who knows? [BLEEP!]

M

For the two beautiful girls who are sick and tired of seeing the gorgeous guys with the ugly girls. Maybe the ugly girls will do anything for these gorgeous guys. So maybe you beautiful girls should just look for some ugly guys who will do anything for you. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

The cute guys probably go for the skanky girls 'cuz they actually talk to them. You girls probably stand there in the corner with your drinks, give a little smile to the boy who you think is cute but don't do shit about it. Actually go up to the guy, talk to him and maybe he'll take you out. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, I went clubbing this weekend and some guy put his hand up my skirt and when I hit him, I looked at him and he was really ugly and he actually hit me back. I had an UGLY GUY HIT ME. It's been the second time this week that I've actually had a guy be abusive with me. What is wrong with you ugly guys? And it's only the ugly ones. And why don't I ever see good-looking guys? I'm fed up. Montreal is filled with ugly people. And as for you good-looking guys, when a girl looks you straight in the eyes, say something to her. You're walking along and she's looking you straight in the eyes, say something. [BLEEP!]

M

When I fill my windshield washer fluid, I always leave about an inch or two in the bottle, so that when a squeegee guy comes and does my window, along with the buck or whatever I've got for him, I give him the windshield washer fluid. He's happy and I'm happy too, 'cuz it's not just piss in the bottle he's squirting on my windshield. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, this is a message to all the sidewalk cyclists and to the guy who ranted last week about pedestrians getting out of the way for the little bell on his bike. Don't get out of the way for nobody! Sidewalk--what part of sidewalk do you not understand? It's for people to walk on the side! The road is for cyclists, where they are obligated by law be. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

F (lots of giggling and hollering in the background)

Hi, we're six hot girls drunk on sangria and I would just like to say that I really like giving blowjobs because it makes me feel powerful. (cheers and more giggling) Whether I swallow or not is not the important thing, it's knowing that I am in control that is important. And I've got a little sangria up my NOSTRIL but for you boys out there, I am a hot beautiful woman who likes being in control. [BLEEP!]

F (another girl, same crowd, still giggling)

Yeah, we're six hot girls and we're talking about MASTURBATING and some of us can come when we cross our legs and some of us can, like, not come. Some of us, like, can only come from, like, clitoral stimulation. So we're just wondering what other girls have to do to come. And what they think about, like, their fantasies and stuff like that. Okay, bye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum