Star-studded dud

>> Town and Country is almost as bad as Ishtar

by MATTHEW HAYS

A wave of sympathy ran through me as I sat through Town and Country. This is a clear indication, I have decided, that I am a decent, caring and loving human being.

Who, after all, would feel an emotion such as sympathy while being subjected to a movie this dreadful? No, my pity was not for the actors, though there must be suffering among those smart enough to know a bad movie when they're in one. Nor was it for director Peter Chelsom, nor the credited screenwriters Michael Laughlin and Buck Henry. Rather, having heard the stories about the film's long, arduous evolutionary path to the cinemas, I felt for the poor, dear editor, David Moritz.

Clearly, Mr. Moritz was handed this mess of celluloid and told by some unfeeling producer (too many are credited to list here) to "fix it." A tall task, indeed.

Town and Country is a pretty forgettable little comedy, noteworthy only because of its impressive cast. Warren Beatty, who has certainly proven in the past that he can handle comedy, plays a successful architect who's fooling around on his wife (Diane Keaton) with several women. They include Goldie Hawn, Nastassja Kinski and Andie MacDowell. Meanwhile, Beatty's best friend, Garry Shandling, is ending his marriage with Hawn and working toward telling the world that he's gay. (This particular subplot is a good indicator that the screenplay is dated and has not aged well; the farce apparently inherent in the scenario is about as funny as a warmed-over third-rate La Cage aux folles sequel.)

Imagine what little sleep Moritz got during post-production: so many unfunny scenes, so little time! How do you cut this thing into something that might induce laughter? The result is a wafer-thin plot and very few truly humorous moments. And the cast, with its collective heavily loaded iconography, can only remind you of funnier, better movies they've all appeared in. If there is one redeeming quality, it's Charlton Heston's bit of typecasting as a gun freak.

It's not groan-worthy in a Joe Dirt way. Town and Country evokes a different kind of lament, instead, I let out several long, protracted sighs during the film's final 20 minutes. That is something that can more efficiently be derived through proper yoga instruction.

Town and Country opens Friday, April 27