This week: The E Bunny, the New Pornographers, old bald bluesmen!

Plus: Woman's AquaBabies found dead!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Yeah, I just want to comment about the Montreal music scene. Well, let me first off say that the Spaceshits suck. That Rubberman suck. Slaves on Dope suck. Sexareeno's suck. And everything else you can think of all SUCK. And I'm talking big-ass fucking donkey dick. Having said that, if I was to dig deep into the big bowl of shit that they call the Montreal music scene, I'd say the best band is Homicide--but where are they? As for the Montreal music scene, I remember the Cargo, I remember the Rising Sun. I remember the Fouf before it was infiltrated by pseudo-hipsters and monkeys-on-steroid bouncers. That's when Montreal had a music scene. To make a long story short, people, Montreal's music scene is as dead as heaven on a Saturday night. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for all the whiny babies who say TMR sucks and Verdun sucks and everything. Man, I think Montreal sucks and as far as the music scene goes, I saw Vancouver's the New Pornographers last night at the Cabaret and they fucking rocked. No questions about it, they rocked. Man, that's good. They just rocked--WOOHOO! [BLEEP!]

F

Hello. This is a question going out to everyone who used to RAVE back in the day around when the first Swirl came out. There was a guy and his girlfriend and his name was THE E BUNNY. He'd dress up in a big bunny costume and he and his girlfriend would go around dispersing joy, amongst other things. I haven't been raving for a long time, so I was wondering if he crawled back into the woodwork from whence he came. Has anyone seen him since? Is he, in fact, even still around? Thanks. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, this is for the guy from Verdun who has the blues. You need to get your ass up to Barfly, dude, on the corner of St-Laurent and Duluth on Monday nights to come and see the Catfish play some blues. But you have to stay away from the old BALD piano player 'cuz he's mine. Turn up, babycakes, Monday nights. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi, I'm just calling to apologize to that guy that I PEED next to on the metro on Feb. 15 between 11:30 and 12:00 on the green line going toward Angrignon. I'm really sorry. I'm not usually that much of an asshole. [BLEEP!]

M

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking of getting more use out of the weapons we already have. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this is to the guy who ranted about how to tell between homegrown weed and how to tell between weed that's been LACED. You just lick your finger, stick it on the weed, and lick your finger again. If your tongue goes numb, don't smoke it. That's all I gotta say. Later. [BLEEP!]

M

For this guy wondering how to tell if there's PCP or any other kind of dust in his weed, uh, just to pose a question. Why the fuck would somebody waste their dust on weed when they could just sell the dust and make more money? [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, this is for that really annoying bitch who keeps ranting about weed smokers. I'm a university-educated female and I love weed and I find your self-righteous attitude about something that's none of your business to be more than annoying. Stop wasting Rant Line(TM) space and get a life. And, in advance, for any mulatto mamas who might want to retaliate to this, uh, no, I don't need to get laid and, yes, I am hot. [BLEEP!]

M

Sitting in the front row at a movie theatre is not a good cure for a HANGOVER. Believe me, it only makes it worse. [BLEEP!]

F

Hey, this goes out to Faggy McFagfag with the long curly MERMAID hair. Why don't you fucking cut off your long locks and look like a real man? And people who say that inner beauty matters the most are ugly. Peace, out. [BLEEP!]

M (speaking very passionately and very loudly)

Hi. This is for the guy who said that long hair people hang out at gay bars! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Are you still living in the fucking '70s?! Hello? You primitive bastard--guys with long hair are not gay, you idiot. Most of the people who are gay are fucking bodybuilders and fucking dancers and fucking models. So you must be the fucking gay asshole, short-haired wimp! So, uh, ciao. [BLEEP!]

F

Long-haired boys are soooo cute--especially Cody. [BLEEP!]

F

Has anyone else out there purchased AquaBabies or received AquaBabies as a gift over the holidays? Listen, I got AquaBabies for Christmas and it's not even two months later and all three of them are dead. I don't know why. If anyone could enlighten me as to why they may have died, I would really appreciate it because I'm really frustrated. Anyway, why the hell did my AquaBabies die? I don't understand. Please help me. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum