Heaven can wait

>> Evangelists embarrass themselves with Left Behind

by MATTHEW HAYS

For a film made by devout Christians, Left Behind feels mighty hellish.

Sickened by Hollywood's lack of a moral compass, buoyed by the runaway successes of a series of Christian-themed, evangelical-authored novels, a Canadian production company has launched Left Behind, a film based on the novel of the same name about an epic good vs. evil struggle.

The book itself hit stands in '95 when it became a bestseller, launching the six-part series by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye (a minister). Further film adaptations are planned, in light of the success of this first big-screen project. It may sound odd to declare the thing a success before it's even been released wide, but Cloud Ten Productions, the Canadian production house run by entrepreneur brothers Peter and Paul Lalonde, tried a precedent-setting marketing ploy to help sell the film.

Instead of releasing the video after the big-screen release, Left Behind was launched on video several months ago. The thinking was that devout Christians would instantly buy the vid (they did), and then tell all their friends, neighbours and any other potential converts to rush to the cinema to see this biblical-themed epic.

The folks behind the film don't mind that it's a message movie. They're quite up front about it, in fact. Lead Kirk Cameron (the heartthrob from '90s sitcom Growing Pains) has thanked the producers (and God) repeatedly in the press, saying it's a true thrill to have made a film about his own personal beliefs. While conceding that many Christian-themed films seem like too much holy cheese, the star and producers insist that they're product is different. Left Behind boasts a $17.5-million budget, "stars" like Cameron and, as of this month, a North-

America-wide release.

Now we pray

In pseudo-disaster-movie style, the film focuses on various different characters as they deal with the calamitous situations they're faced with, right out of the scriptures of the Bible. One character in particular, a pilot endowed with soap-opera good looks, is working a routine flight when, suddenly, about 100 of his passengers suddenly disappear, leaving only their clothes behind. Much panic ensues, but the hunky pilot manages to land the plane, only to find out that mayhem has spread throughout terra firma too, with similar disappearances occurring. Those 'left behind' must figure out exactly what is going on, and the smart ones, it turns out, read the Bible carefully for guidance and get down on their knees a lot to pray.

This film tries really, really hard to be cool. While trying to be a hip feature, though, didactic speeches to the audience figure prominently, and things get far too forced, Ned Flanders-style, when a musical number called "I Want to Believe" can be heard, sung by a group clearly attempting to mimic boy bands like 'N Sync. This is pretty embarrassing stuff.

Evangelical infomercial

And though it's trying really hard to act, look and smell just like a real feature, Left Behind feels like one of those Mormon commercials telling us to savour our marriage or stop boozing stretched out to feature length. That, crossed with a Christian infomercial.

Aside from a superficial connection I felt to some of the cast (they do spend a lot of time on their knees, after all), I must say their robotic antics left them pretty damn lifeless as characters. Folks wander from scene to scene, cry a bit about their lost ones and then find God, something that's supposed to seem life-affirming and inspirational to the audience. Lord knows there can be effective message-laden moviemaking, but this ain't it. Scenes supposedly taking place at the UN take on additional comic overtones for we Canucks, seeing as the chamber is fairly recognizable as Toronto City Hall--but aside from that, I'm sorry to report that the camp factor, while occasionally present and deliciously unintentional, doesn't rear its head frequently enough to make this thing worth shelling out for.

Aside from agnostics like myself, I can't really imagine any thoughtful, halfway intelligent Christians going to this and really thinking anything of it. Left Behind is the worst kind of ineffectual propaganda: forced, unmoving and ultimately rather boring. The film seems less like a heavenly cinematic breakthrough and more like holy shit.

Left Behind opens Friday, March 2