This week: Verdun blues, raging TMR teens, bored mental patients, Jesus!

Plus: Scientists confirm that smoking pot makes you smart!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

It's February. It's cold, I live in Verdun, I hate my job, it's snowing and I feel like I want to die. I've got the blues. How come there ain't no decent blues in Montreal. This place is more depressing than any COTTON FIELD could ever be. Where's the blues? [BLEEP!]

M

If Jesus were alive today, he would download from Napster. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this goes out to that hyprocrite bitch who's all offended because some guy sang about tits and ass and cock. You even say it yourself, music is for expression. If the guy wants to express himself, let him, fuck. If he wants to express trash, let him express trash. Legislate you, you fucking bitch! [BLEEP!]

M

This call is in response to those pathetic persons who attempt to put down men with long hair. Some woman asked a simple question which has total validity and what happens? People feel the need to comment stupidly on it. Come on, check out gay bars or go back to the `80s-pathetic comments from those with very small minds. Yes, I have long hair, curly and it's very nice. I get favourable comments all the time. I'm not going to slam people with short hair because any length of hair doesn't matter. It's the INNER BEAUTY of the individual but I wish men would grow their hair and not be persuaded to cut and gel it because that's the style of the day. When you follow trends, remember one thing: keep your own individuality because being a true, honest person with your own look is what should matter most. Life is a cycle and everything comes back around so grow that hair. Peace out. [BLEEP!]

M

Well, the time is 12:35 a.m. and one of our cats is giving the other one CUNNILINGUS. Thank you very much. Good night. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah hi, this is for that girl who got stuck in "Westmount" on "Hudson" street. There is no Hudson street in Westmount. If she got stuck on Hudson street, she was either in Côte St-Luc or in the Côte des Neiges area near the Ste-Justine hospital. If she thinks that's a rich area of Montreal, she's from another city. In any case, these are middle class people she's talking about so it's no surprise that they wouldn't want to help her. Tell her to go back to Cowtown or the West Island or wherever she came from or give her a map of Montreal and she'll find out where Westmount really is. I know, I planted most of the BOMBS there when I was about six years old. [BLEEP!]

M

Being in the intelligence business can be a tough, tough job but I guess it's going to be easier now since we have idiots calling in to the Rant Line(TM) and bitching about the FTAA. Thanks for doing our propaganda work for us. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, hi. I'm just calling to get my frustrations out and inform everyone of TMR sucks! I hate my fucking parents for moving here. I hate this fucking house, I hate this fucking town! Fuck TMR! Fuck life! [BLEEP!]

F

I'm so bored, I'm so bored. Iggy said it best: I'm so bored. I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. And I'm committed in a psychiatric hospital. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, hi, I'm not calling to let you know whether or not I'm planning to get laid and I don't really care about university degrees but I do want to make sure everyone knows that every time you fire up a doobie, you're not killing off brain cells. Just for a point of reference, pot doesn't destroy your brain. Of course, IGNORANCE can. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, I just wanted to say to the mulatto mama that studies show that smoking marijuana doesn't kill brain cells. As a matter of fact, in a 15-year study where they took 500 heavy smokers and 500 non-smokers and gave them exams in Math, English, everything and then had them take the same exams 15 years later, they found that the smokers scored higher on the exams. So I just wanted to say to you that weed does not kill brain cells. Weed rules. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey man, I just want to comment or actually ask a question 'cuz some guy was commenting on all these PCP dustheads in the metro and shit, like, last week and stuff and I don't know, man, but this weed that my friend sold me, it's totally like tripping me out and I'm not fucking joking. I mean, I'm just wondering how do you tell looking in a bag of, you know, big weed if there's ANGEL DUST or PCP or whatever in it? Man, I don't know. So, yeah, well, I'm just wondering, man, is there anyone that can give me a definitive scientific, whatever, answer here to tell me how you tell if there's angel dust in weed, man. Is there some kind of test that I could take 'cuz I don't want to be frying my brain and shit when I think I'm just smoking some good homegrown whatever, so, you know? Well all right. Bye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum