No sparks

>> Reeves and Theron go through the motions in Sweet November

by JOANNE LATIMER

Sweet November is about a flaky girl who rehabilitates workaholics. Her patients are always guys who don't know how to treat women. More specifically, they're royal pricks who end up falling for her after spending an entire month sequestered in her apartment. Considering that the girl is Charlize Theron, that's not exactly doing hard time, but audiences will be wondering why the days aren't flying by.

The film has the tinny structure of a studio-conceived concept, where you plug in the stars and hope for chemistry. There is none. Nelson (Keanu Reeves) and Sara (Theron) are stiff and gangly together, while Reeves tries his hardest to act like a reformed advertising executive. Nelson and Sarah meet at the Department of Motor Vehicles, where they're writing a test to renew their driver's licenses. Nelson asks Sara for help on a question and she gets busted for cheating. Her penalty? She must wait a month to re-take the test. Her revenge? Stalking Nelson to get rides around town. She soon discovers that he's hopelessly shallow and in need of her 30-day detox program for bastards.

Director Pat O'Connor (Dancing at Lughnasa, Inventing the Abbotts) works hard to make the 30 days seem magical. The "lovers" play Blind Man's Bluff, they save pets from scientific experiments, they roll around in bed and they take bubble baths. Sara's kookiness charms him, understandably, but what's she getting out of it? You'd assume that a guy like Nelson is experienced at faking intimacy to get some sack time. Is he really changing? It is soon revealed that Sara is sick--something the film trailer tips off anyway--and Nelson has to flex his new humanity. That's when Reeves gets actor's rigor mortis. Anyone trying to sneak out a few minutes early will be hard pressed to leave before the "real" ending. There are three discernible false endings that'll make you look at your watch.

But there is some hope for this film and it comes in the form of the drag queens living downstairs. British heartthrob Jason Isaacs (The Patriot) plays Chad, the sexy neighbour leading a double life. His visits to Sara's apartment are the highlight of November.

When it comes to films about people holed-up together for a common cause, I'll take Octobre. Falaradeau's '94 political grinder uses the confines of a safe house to add meaning, making each shot add tension. The problem is that Sweet November never mounts to the tragedy that the script calls for. It's just another month.

Sweet November opens Friday, Feb. 16