This week: Ambient bird sounds, soap, the Spaceshits!

Plus: Roving gangs of deluded white homies!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Hi, this one goes out to the guy who said the Montreal music scene was a JOKE a couple of years ago but that times have suddenly changed. I ask this guy--where the fuck were you when bands like the Spaceshits were kicking ass but nobody in the Montreal scene gave a fuck? Where were you?! [BLEEP!]

F

This is for that guy who said that Jeff Martin from the Tea Party is a wannabe. Well, I too thought he was imitating Jim Morrison of the Doors, but you know what? I saw them in concert and Jeff Martin and the other two guys are really TALENTED. So, hopefully, your mind will change about this one and Tea Party really does rock. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

F

I can't stop listening to the new Vendettas album. It's the best thing I've heard in so long and I can't believe a band in Montreal is so amazing lyrically and musically. I can't believe these guys aren't the biggest thing and I want everyone to go see them next time they play! [BLEEP!]

M

I'm still looking for the French band that played at Jailhouse Rock last winter called Mercure, as in the god Mercury. They opened for Gene Loves Jezebel and I'd like to know if anybody knows what happened to them. Or maybe where they live? I'll be reading the rants to see if anybody has a connection with them. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the dire girl who wants to give head to find out where the best '80s night is. It's happening on Saturdays in Regina, Saskatchewan, man, it's the best place. Ummm, peace in the Middle East. [BLEEP!]

M

I want my sucky-sucky first but, seriously, there's a good '80s night at Café Campus on Tuesdays. Bye bye. Sucky-sucky! Sucky-sucky! [BLEEP!]

M

This goes out to a girl who I met on the street who noticed that I was wearing a HAT that she used to own. I hope that she reads this, because I found out that it actually was her hat and my roommate had found it at the Tragically Hip concert. I just want to let her know that I'll be at Club Zone on Saturday with her hat. I feel really terrible that she came so close to getting it back, but I didn't believe that it was the same hat and I kept on walking like a jerk. So, girl, if you can manage to read this, come get your hat back. [BLEEP!]

F

This is for that stupid twat, Sarah. Word got back to me that you were asking about my boyfriend. Well, back off, BITCH, he's mine. You were a slut in high school and you will always be a slut so go to hell. Oh yeah, for all the other Lachine sluts, you can go to hell, too. [BLEEP!]

M

There were only four good acts in the '80s and one of them was Paul Simon. So you can suck my dick if you want to but there are no good '80s nights. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi kids, I've been all over this town looking for a nightclub that plays ambient music. And I'm not talking about slow beats and drum & bass and stuff like that. I'm talking about true ambient BIRD SOUNDS and mood music. If you know a place like this where I can go and listen to true ambient sounds please let me know. Or, if you are a bar or a nightclub and you are looking for an ambient DJ, also let me know. I need some info. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

SOAP cleans things because it's a large molecule. On one side the molecule can combine with WATER SOLUBLE COMPOUNDS, the other side can combine with compounds that aren't soluble in water. It also lowers the surface tension of water which helps it to penetrate better and it's a good emulsifier which means, essentially, it can help hold particles in suspension. Anybody can make soap by taking any type of oil and boiling it with any type of alkaline like lye or something like that. Have fun. [BLEEP!]

M

M Hey, I'm the guy who smokes all the pot who was asking about the drug test. I just want to thank everyone at the Rant Line(TM) for all their suggestions and I took some of their advice and I ended up PASSING so thanks a lot to everyone that helped. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

F

This goes out to the person who wanted to learn about ARCHERY as meditation. It's not on the Plateau but the Shambala Center at 460 Ste-Catherine is close. You can learn about Japanese archery there. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum