This week: Raised Fist, Bloodshot Bill, Bucket Boy, Jeff Martin!

Plus: Oral sex offered in exchange for club info!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Montreal was a JOKE when it came to the music scene but times have changed. Put the kids to bed, the freaks are out! Bands like Bordello, Bloodshot Bill and One-976 are out to save the scene. Finally Montreal has bands who rock on with their hard ons. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for that guy who said that Jeff Martin from the Tea Party is a wannabe. Well, I too thought he was imitating Jim Morrison of the Doors, but you know what? I saw them in concert and Jeff Martin and the other two guys are really TALENTED. So, hopefully, your mind will change about this one and Tea Party really does rock. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, I'm just calling to let you know that Scott Russell, otherwise known as BUCKET BOY, is going to be performing along with Rhythm Mercenaries, Pigeon-Hole and Shadowboxers at Jailhouse on Jan. 18 at 9 o'clock. All proceeds are going to help the Old Brewery Mission so everyone should be there. [BLEEP!]

M

I was just wondering if anyone can answer me at what point in time the American Music Awards turned into the African-American Music Awards? How many times can they rephrase best R&B, best hip hop single, best new person, or whatever. Not to be racist or anything, but whatever happened to that METAL category they had? Even if shit bands like Limp Bizkit or Korn would win, at least heavy music would still be represented, you know? [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, what's up? For those who want to release all their anger and EXCESS VIOLENCE, there is one of the most violent shows of all time coming to town--Raised Fist! It's gonna be Feb. 1 at the Spectrum of Montreal. It's gonna be violence galore. Whether you're hardcore punk or a mellow guy, just come to the show. It's gonna be the bestest and most violent show ever. [BLEEP!]

F

I noticed there's a lot of people wearing '80s clothes and sporting the look, whatever, but where's the music? Seriously, I would give HEAD to anyone who can tell me where I could find a good '80s night. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M

This goes out to a girl who I met on the street who noticed that I was wearing a HAT that she used to own. I hope that she reads this, because I found out that it actually was her hat and my roommate had found it at the Tragically Hip concert. I just want to let her know that I'll be at Club Zone on Saturday with her hat. I feel really terrible that she came so close to getting it back, but I didn't believe that it was the same hat and I kept on walking like a jerk. So, girl, if you can manage to read this, come get your hat back. [BLEEP!]

F

This is for that stupid twat, Sarah. Word got back to me that you were asking about my boyfriend. Well, back off, BITCH, he's mine. You were a slut in high school and you will always be a slut so go to hell. Oh yeah, for all the other Lachine sluts, you can go to hell, too. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, my rant is for the guy who was bitching about those 15- and 14-year-old little whores who walk around the street all night being sexy and showing their ass and tits and whatnot. You know what? I love that shit and I want the girls to keep on doing it. I don't give a rat's ass if they're UNDERAGE or whatever. If they want to show what they got, let them show what they got. Look, I'm going to hit on them anyways. I'm 24 but I look like I'm 14, most of these bitches look older than I do, and they don't get carded at clubs and never have to pay for shit. So if they want to be little slut whores and show off their ass all the time, that's FINE WITH ME just as long as they're not prickteasers too, you know what I'm saying? Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

You know, I used to think I was the sickest freak on this island. Thanks, Rant Line(TM). [BLEEP!]

F

This past Saturday I was at Foufounes and some little blonde French girl decides to start picking a fight with me and my friend because we're English. I'd just like to say that when people go to a bar, they go to have a good time, all right? I have no problem with stupid guys hitting on me, but when you start picking LANGUAGE WARS, that's not cool, man. That kills the vibe. People are out to have a good time, not to listen to your ranting and raving about how English sucks. That's my rant. We just need less French little skank whores around. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F

I want to know if anyone has any good ideas about places around the Plateau where I could learn ARCHERY as meditation. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi, I'd like to know why soap cleans things. If I could have an EDUCATED response, please. Why does soap clean things? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum