This week: Hank Williams, old Jewish boxers, Germans in G-strings!

Plus: How to cheat on a drug test!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

This is the answer to the person who was wondering why songs FADE OUT. It's a very INTERESTING question. Symbolically, it gives the impression that the music just fades off into eternity. Historically, it was invented in the early 1950s. Some of the earliest recordings of fade outs were Hank Williams' "Kaw-Liga," recorded in 1952, and Muddy Waters' "You're Gonna Need My Help," which was recorded in 1950 or early 1951. I should also add that this was quite an unusual way to end a record in the early '50s. I hope this was a learning experience. [BLEEP!]

M

This rant goes out to the weed smoker who has to take a DRUG TEST for his new job. Well, one way around it is to take another man's URINE who doesn't smoke herb or any other drugs and substitute it for your own. But make sure it is male urine. [BLEEP!]

M

First of all, it's IILEGAL and unconstitutional to test anybody's urine for drugs for a job. And second of all, if you really, really have to pass a test, go down to Chanvre en Ville on the corner of Parc and Sherbrooke, where they have all the information and all the detoxifying drinks and pills you need. Just go there and ask for the doctor. [BLEEP!]

F

To the guy who was wondering how to cheat on a piss test. There's this drink that they sell at GNC vitamin stores in the States. It's $47 U.S. a bottle and if you drink it two hours before you take your test, it covers up all traces of marijuana in your piss. This is the truth. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

Yo, the secret is totally CRANBERRY JUICE, man. Just drink it like crazy for about a week before the test--about two litres a day. Then if you're going for a piss test it's no problem. But if you're going for a blood test, then you better do something else. Good luck, man. [BLEEP!]

M

There's a place called Woodstock in Verdun and they sell stuff that's guaranteed 200 per cent or your money back. So it's gotta work. I've never tried it myself because I tend to avoid situations where I have to take drug tests but, uh, give it a try. [BLEEP!]

F

This is for the weedhead who called about trying to pass a drug test. You can order kits that make your pee drug-free from magazines like High Times or places like Detox on St-Denis. Good luck, man. [BLEEP!]

F

In Quebec it is technically ILLEGAL for an employer to ask you take a drug test so you can either take it or not. But you don't have to. There you go. [BLEEP!]

F

Regarding the debate on whether or not guys who wear G-string underwear are sexy. Guys in G-string underwear are the sexiest thing in the world! They rock! A man in a G-string who has a nice ass looks fantastic, especially if the G-string is purple and has clips on the side. There is nothing sexier than a man who takes off his pants and has a nice G-string on his body. That's all I have to say. [BLEEP!]

F

Hello. I'm calling because it is definitely not okay for a guy to wear G-string underwear. Unless you're GERMAN, it does not look good. And even then it's only the kitsch factor that makes it work. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the girl who wants to learn how to box. There's a boxing club in Mile-End which is giving lessons starting the 15th of January. The phone number there is 576-8548. And she can phone the Quebec Boxing Federation at 252-3047 and they can tell her about all the boxing clubs in Montreal. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M

This is for the person who wants to learn how to box. There's the Y around Peel metro--it's cheap and is supposed to be a good place. Or you can try some of the meaner, hardcore, tough places in Little Burgundy, where you're really going to learn a lot. And then you've got the Claude Robillard Centre. It's an Olympic gym and it costs like $20-$30 a month. These two old guys train you and they're really, really good. You've gotta ask for the OLD JEWISH GUY because he's really an amazing boxer. I trained there for a long time and it was great. Bye. [Ed's note: Also recommended by other callers were the Hilton boxing Club in Ville Emard, Legends Gym in Villeray and the Blue Cat in Mile-End.] [BLEEP!]

F

Hi, my name is CHANEL and I was just reading the classifieds in the back of the Mirror and I noticed that many prostitutes and escorts have the same name as me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. At first I laughed, but then there was one that said she was adorable and 23 and I myself am adorable and 23. So I just wanted to know if I'm overreacting if I think that all the bitches should change back their names to the ones they were born with? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum