This week: Hate, anger, strangulation, drugs, vehicular homicide!

Plus: Season's greetings!!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Yeah, I'm just listening to CHOM right now and they're talking to Eve 6 and Treble Charger. What happened to REAL PUNK? Real punk was aggressive, violent and self-destructive. What's with kids these days? Now it's just all FUN. [BLEEP!]

F

Am I the only person in Montreal who's able to see how phony One-976 are? I mean, they look like the Spice Girls who kidnapped their bass player from Slipknot or something. It's just all wrong and obviously too contrived. And Maverick Records? Come on. That's about as punk as the Barenaked fucking Ladies. [BLEEP!]

M

Isn't the little symbol for MuchMusic an MM? Pretty ironic considering that it's fucking Eminen 24/7. And if it ain't fucking Eminem, it's the fuckin' Bendover Boys--fucking cocksuckers. They've got one hour dedicated to LOUD music a week. One fucking hour! That's it, that's all. And you know what? You turn on the radio and you ain't got nothing better. Montreal ain't got no radio station. CKUT for one hour a week as well. Like, what the fuck, man? This is a generation of fucking PANSIES. Like, they're all brainwashed by this fucking Britney Smears, fucking Christina Aguifuckinsuckmyfuckingdick, the Bendover Buys, N'-fuckin'-lip-Sync and Eminem. Fuck, we are in bad shape! I guess it doesn't take much these days. I can scratch a fucking record. I can also scratch my ass but do I see fucking accolades being thrown my way? No. Nobody even takes real drugs anymore! We're all fucked! Fuck you! [BLEEP!]

M

Yo baby, I hope you've got a lot of money to spend on your parties 'cuz DJ Rectangle is a real big happening DJ on the West Coast. So now you know and good luck, baby. Yo. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi everyone on the Rant Line(TM). I'm the beautiful 16-year-old girl who ranted a couple of weeks ago about desperately needing to get fucked. I want to thank that guy for asking about me last week and let him know that I came close with this guy at a party last weekend but in the end the guy got all WEIRD and I just wound up going back home to my two fingers. So, in answer to your question, yes, I still need to get fucked! Bad!(laughing) What do you look like, mister? Bye. [BLEEP!]

F

Okay, my rant's about stupid shitty little hole-in-the-wall bars that try to tell me I can't KISS my girlfriend inside them. You know what? That's discriminating against gays and bisexuals and, quite frankly, I was bringing half the customers there anyway. So they want to tell me I can't kiss my girlfriend?! [BLEEP!]

M

I sometimes fantasize about strangling people who use CELL PHONES on the bus. Is that wrong? [BLEEP!]

M

Okay, I'm calling for the girls who were asking about the NAILS. I guess they're not smoking really often because when you smoke really often, you're not asking that kind of question. I smoke every day. [BLEEP!]

M

Fingernails, horns, claws, talons and hooves are special growths of the outer skin or epidermis. They are made up of hardened skin cells. The skin below the nail from which it grows is called the matrix. Near the root of the nail, the cells are smaller and carry less blood. The white crescent-shaped spot indicating these cells is called the lunula. Ummm, yeah, right, that's about it. [BLEEP!]

F

Me and my friends used to SHOOT UP speed and heroin. One died from AIDS. One died from a brain tumour. One died from a liver disease. One got shot by the cops. One got murdered by a dealer. And all this well after drugs ceased to be fun and became our MASTER. [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, I know how to meet RICH MEN in this city but I'm really selfish and I'm not going to tell you how to do it because I want them all to myself. [BLEEP!]

M (very angry)

Yeah, this is to all the fucking JAYWALKERS out there, all those fucking pedestrians who jaywalk in the winter. What are you, stupid!? Do you want me to run over you? Because I will if I have to, you fucking pieces of shit! Don't fucking jaywalk, man, it's winter!! The car presses the brakes, it won't stop like it stops in the summer, you fucking idiots!!! [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, I'm calling about that girl who was complaining about the Christmas decorations on St-Laurent. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with a little bit of originality? What's wrong with new ideas? I'm sick of traditional Christmas decorations. I hate Christmas anyway. You sound so boring. You sound so traditional. You sound like the biggest Celine Dion fan in the world. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, I'm just calling to talk about the St-Laurent street decorations. I think it is genius. It's an absolute work of art and I just want to give a real thumbs up for lighting up the street and giving it that festive spirit. Way to go! Bye and HAPPY HOLIDAYS. [BLEEP!]

Next week: There is no next week. Next Rant Line(TM): Jan. 11, 2001