This week: Anglo MC angst, trance conspiracy, Rasputin O'Brien!

Plus: Old white men accused of ruling world!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M

Everyone is always bitching about the Mont-real music scene. Have you ever been to Kapuskasing? The Kapuskasing music scene consists of a JUKEBOX that costs way too much money and that's it. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi! I'm calling to say psychedelic trance sucks. It's a government-inspired conspiracy made to kill the original rave movement and to induce our youth into drug-induced oblivion and take away the attention from the original people's music--ACID TRANCE. Long live the true trip. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M

This is Xprience. First off, about the whole MC issue. I'm an anglo MC and I know a couple others but, you know, the city's not overflowing with them. It's not like NDG is Queens and Burgundy is Brooklyn. That's all I'm saying. Obviously you're going to have more trouble finding MCs in this area than you will in Louisiana or New York, I mean, come on. And on a secondary note, I'd like to say to the laundry thievin' motherfucker who stole my neighbour's clothes the other day, if I find you, I'm going to cut you a new NASAL CAVITY. Peace out. [BLEEP!]

M

Yes, to Roger of the Rhythm Mercenaries and pretty much everybody else out there. The disrespect from francophone MCs in this city is not vocal and direct. It comes in the form of subtle lack of acknowledgement. You listen to the French radio shows and it's 80 per cent local content. When I say local, I mean francophone. It seems that the Québécois believe that for it to be Québécois, it has to be francophone. And meanwhile, the artists seem to be completely unimpressed and unconcerned with not only anglophone Montreal talent, but also underground independent quality hip hop, which just so happens to be in English from all over the world. They're just concerned with impressing and supporting each other. I'm not necessarily certain that it has to do with the fact that we speak English, because the anglophone part of the city also believes that if it's anglophone and it's from Montreal, it can't be as good as what's coming out on American major labels. What I'm pointing out is that we need the support of the French population to make Montreal a major city on the global hip hop scene. That's all it is. I wish that the francophone MCs in the city would acknowledge that the anglophone MCs in this city are just as dope as all other MCs, French or English, from around the world. That's all. Peace out. Prosper. [BLEEP!]

M

Yes, hello, this is Rasputin O'Brien. I see here that somebody is insulting Tom Cochrane. Well, I like Tom Cochrane and I'm a leader that Montreal and the free world can count on. So on Nov. 27, remember to vote Rasputin O'Brien. To find out what Rasputin O'Brien's all about, Dec. 9 come to Jailhouse Rock for the Dead Dolls Cabaret. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F

Hi, I just wanted to say that SCHOOL is pretty much pointless. I'm a McGill student and formal education is really overrated! There really isn't any point in trying to follow rules and regulations because they are all arbitrary and made up by OLD WHITE MEN who pretty much dominate the world and are all idiots like Bush and Gore. McGill is full of idiots basically, and I'm one of them. [BLEEP!]

F

I would like to comment on one of Montreal's fine clubs, supposedly. I went to Extreme for the first time last Thursday and I was shocked to see how the bouncers are treating the clients. My friend waited one and a half hours outside because he was a guy. I had to BEG the stupid bouncer at the door just to let him in. And when he did let him in, the bastard looked my friend in the eye and was like, "Say thank you, say thank you." I cannot believe how degrading this was. It's just wrong, very wrong. [BLEEP!]

M

Hi. This is in response to the rant about how colourful NDG is. Well, the only colour really that's happening down in my end of NDG is white and that's from the white of CRACK rock in the crack tower on Girouard and Sherbrooke. [BLEEP!]

M

Yeah, this is for the guy with the WARTS. Well hey buddy, I just got back from logging for about 10 years and let me tell you, being out in the bush for a couple of months at a time with only a couple of pairs of socks, let me tell you buddy, I know about fucking warts. I'll tell you what works--DUCT TAPE, eh? You just got to wrap your feet up in duct tape, you got to smother those bastards. Got to starve them for oxygen, eh? Keep it there for a couple of weeks, rip it off and see what you got. Try it out, buddy. [BLEEP!]

M

Yes, if you must know, the plural for the word moose is MOOSAGE. And that's in Cree, which comes from the Algonquin language. So there you go. [BLEEP!]

M

Ben's Deli rules and that's all there is to it! Peace. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum.