Rock like an Egyptian

>> The fezzy logic of frat rockers the Feztones

by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

Looking suspiciously like prodigal Gruesomes are guitarist/howler Fuad Ramses and bassist Rich N. Ready of the Feztones. They're joined by Lew Dachs on sax and Tip Hazard on drums, who could pass for former Undercovers, and together they're out to revive an archaic and frankly not overly lamented musical genre: frat rock.

Mirror: Are either of you guys former frat members?

Fuad Ramses: Myself, I've been a charter member of many Egyptian frats. As you know, frat tradition goes all the way back to the ancient Egyptians, and was later copied by the Greeks, with all their lettering and stuff. It's hard to write fraternity names in hieroglyphics, see, so that's how the whole delta-phi-omega thing started.

M: What about you, Rich? What are your feelings about frats?

Rich N. Ready: Of course, we don't condone date rape and all that. Our association is with the '60s Kingsmen "Louie Louie" kinda thing, not the modern scene. I told a friend I played in a frat band, and she was offended.

FR: Well, sure. Nowadays the word "frat" is sadly associated with a lot of disgraceful behaviour, but I don't think those people are in the real frat spirit, as laid down in movies like Animal House.

M: What is the grand spirit of frats? Swallowing goldfish? Raccoon coats?

RNR: Toga parties.

FR: It's a bunch of drunk college white guys being hip to cool Southern soul and R&B. Guys like Otis Redding and Wilson Pickett, legends today, regularly worked the college campus circuit, belting it out for drunk teenagers.

RNR: This is the only way we could do that kind of stuff without sounding like geeky white boys. The emphasis is on fun, even more than the Gruesomes. We would love it if people wore togas and letter sweaters and got all hosed at our parties.

FR: As long as they're not actually from college.

M: So what are the songs about?

FR: Let's see--"Cairo Twist" is about everyone going down to Cairo so they can do the twist. Uh--we have a touching song called "The Story of the Feztones," which talks about being a hard-working frat band on the Middle Eastern circuit. It's rough. Beer is actually forbidden by law in a lot of these places.

M: Fuad, I notice you're looking a lot younger and healthier than you did in H.G. Lewis' seminal '60s gore flick Blood Feast.

FR: I don't blame you for making this gaffe, because I know you did a lot of research for this interview--

All: (hearty laughter at the very idea)

FR: --but that was my uncle. All the men in my family are named Fuad. I'll tell you something, it's based on my uncle's true story, and those Playboy models in the movie were way better looking than the actual chicks my uncle cut up and devoured and sacrificed to Ishtar. Hey, you know, we didn't make one bad Egyptian pun this whole interview.

RNR: That sphinx!

With Carl's Auto Parts at Jailhouse Rock on Saturday, Nov. 25, 10pm, $5