This week: Eminem, oligarchs, Algonquin/Germanic word roots!

Plus: Cure for foot warts needed!

"edited" by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

F

Yeah, this is going out to all the English MCs, English singers and all the English artists out there in Montreal. It's really hard to get fucking respected out here because they all want this French stuff to come out. I'm somebody who speaks FOUR languages and I sing and I'm a gorgeous young woman but, no matter, no one will listen because English is my first language. We go to Sona and they let the men grab the mic, they never let us girls grab the mic. And it's the same everywhere else. Listen to the girls! A lot of the girls are going to be coming out with stuff soon--especially the English girls. [BLEEP!]

E-RANT

I couldn't believe my eyes when I read the rant about Eminem--I literally felt to sick to my stomach after reading it. To think that homophobia like this is still part of our society makes me sick and brought me bluntly back to a reality that frustrates and angers me. I don't understand why you printed this--I can not tell if you intended this to be a humorous thing or not. If so, then I guess I fail to see the humour in comments such as "I hope that all the fucking queers get fucking AIDS." I just don't understand why you would give this person the satisfaction of printing his words, especially words that are advocating the genocide of a whole group of people. I am angry and perplexed at your decision to print these feelings out of context and without commentary from others. [BLEEP!]

M

All right. For that small-time, homophobic, sonofabitch Eminem fan here's an equation so simple that even a moron like him can understand it. Two men holding each other's hands means that two girls won't be holding their hands and then maybe you could date those girls, if only you weren't such an asshole. So buddy, stop blaming queers for your personal problems and open your mind before you hang yourself for refusing the world you live in. [BLEEP!]

F

This is in response to that vomit-for-brains, ignorant fuck who talked about Eminem. I'm sorry, but if you'd ever heard a Bob Dylan song, you would know never to compare anything that comes out of Eminem's mouth to him. And you'd also know that everything he was against included the ignorant bigotry that you spout. [BLEEP!]

M

Hey, this is for the Larry who thinks that Eminem is not this generation's Bob Dylan. This generation is not the same as it was when Bob Dylan was Bob Dylan. The fact that you can't realize how socially significant Eminem is means that you're not really listening close enough. He does not have to say what he means literally--he reads between the lines and so should you! [BLEEP!]

F

Yeah, I was walking down St-Laurent last sunny Wednesday and feeling so good that I started to SING. Suddenly, there was this guy who called me a maniac! Well, I've got to say this to you--people have the right to sing in the streets if they want. If anyone is a maniac it is you, because you are a fascist homophobe. Let the people sing in the street if they want! Eat that, you stupid cranky maniac! [BLEEP!]

F

Yes, this is in response to the person about the moose and the meese and the goose and the geese last week. The reason why we use those words is because moose has an Algonquin word root and goose has a Germanic word root so the plurals are different. That's why. [BLEEP!]

M

It's just not meese because of those OLIGARCHS who started the Oxford English dictionary. If those pedantic stiff-assed Brits would just let people spell things the way they want--like soup with two o's--then everyone would be a lot better off. [BLEEP!]

F

Right. About two meese. Words are abitrary and why is a moose a moose? Because someone said so at one time. The point is that if you want two meese to be two meese, then all the power to you. Stick it to the Man! [BLEEP!]

M

Hey guys, I'm calling from the West Island. To the gentleman who wants to know about a gun club in Montreal where he can let some ROUNDS go and release some tension, I have the perfect solution for you. Try the MUC police. They let rounds go all the time, usually in the direction of people who don't really deserve it and hey, they don't get persecuted for it either. [BLEEP!]

M

Please, please, please, all this talk about large breasts, small breasts, medium breasts. All I know is that all that really counts is ERECT NIPPLES. Mmm, mmm, mmm! [BLEEP!]

M

This isn't so much a rant but a question for anyone out there. I have serious WARTS on the bottom of my feet and I was wondering if anyone had any home techniques to get rid of them because I'm not really fond of going to the doctor. Thanks, bye. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum.